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freezing cold weather
singapore sunset
amw
I've never really understood how to draw meaning from the numbers on a scale. I often hear my friends and family saying stuff like "i've hit X pounds, i really need to start that diet now" or "i've just lost Y pounds without sacrificing my lifestyle" or whatever. I try to empathize and be supportive, but sometimes it's hard because i just want to ask, how do you feel? Do you feel healthy, do you feel fit, do you look in the mirror and find yourself attractive? Those things always seem so much more important to me than whether you're 190 or 200 pounds this month. Perhaps it's because i was brought up in a house with no scales and ended up with body image issues anyway, i just don't get how you can bring it all back to a number.

These days i only weigh myself when i'm in odd places, like an amusement park or airport. I stepped on the scales in Buffalo City Hall a couple months ago - i was just under 190 pounds. I wasn't at my fittest, but i'm pretty tall and usually don't feel too fat, so whatever yanno. Yesterday i was at the gym and some of the fighters were weighing in for their bouts this weekend so i jumped on too and apparently now i'm 178. I guess that's one of the nice things about numbers, at a time when i'm feeling healthier and slimmer but also distrusting my brain at least i know that those changes aren't all in my head.

I've been in twice this week so far. Yesterday i ran the class, which was kinda funny considering i've only been going for about a month. The coach was out of town and since i'm not working and "seem responsible" she left me with the keys. I felt like a bit of a fraud teaching a first-timer how to wrap up and hit a bag, but i was honest and just tried to make sure she was having fun and not hurting herself. It actually made me feel really good to do some "work" for the first time in months. It also felt good to help someone out, teach them something. I don't get to do that very often - and when i do it's usually teaching them some boring ass shit i don't care about in my day job.

Of course even as coach for a night i still haven't got my right hook figured out and injured my wrist worse than it already was after Tuesday's class. This is going to make my "tek" suck ass at drumming tonight. I am getting very good at finger and wrist stretches. I'm not sure what possessed me to get into two activities that both need my hands to be in optimum condition. I like working with my hands... In retrospect, it's probably a blessing i didn't have the money to do that cooking class or my tendons would be crying right now. More than they already are, that is.

I have all this energy. I keep bouncing around on the balls of my feet. I think when i started this entry i had some terribly clever conclusion in mind that would tie everything together but it's disappeared somewhere. I am going to do groceries. There is lots to do! Tonight i will relax...

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