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every day is exactly the same
singapore sunset
amw
I'm in a rut. Every day i wake up around 11am and eat breakfast, write my pages, shower, then start to work. I work and eat lunch in the next 4 hours and then it's the evening. Around then is usually when i try get some chores done - vacuuming, laundry, groceries... After that is dinner and a TV show or something, playing a game with J perhaps, reading some blogs, then bed.

There was a LiveJournal Writer's Block question the other day about who you'd be if you could be someone else for a week, and i couldn't even think of an answer. I guess that means i'm either completely satisfied with my life right now (hah) or i'm so much in a rut that i don't even have any dreams any more, any curiosity about much of anything. The latter pretty much sums it up. I've been trying to do this exercise in the morning to imagine what i would do for the day if i could do anything, if money were no object. I can't even come up with an answer there. I've really started to lose interest in everything. I know when the highlights in my life start becoming books and TV shows there's something wrong.

It doesn't help that i haven't been to the gym in over two weeks. When my neck and back pain finally healed i got hit with an angry cold. I don't know where i caught it since i've barely been out of the house. Yeah i guess i should admit this is a bit of a mild depression. I don't like it here. I want to be excited about things. It's fall for fuck's sake, the weather is cozy and it's time for hoodies and make-up and all things spooky. I should be buzzing.

I don't know what to do. With my life or with today. I've wasted a half-hour doing this, guess i better get to work so i have time to do laundry tonight. Joy.

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I hope I'm not pushing all the wrong buttons, but for what it's worth 'mild depression' as you call it usually doesn't last too long. At least you recognise what's going on, which is better than sitting there wondering why you feel so crappy.

Secondly, you didn't 'waste' a half hour writing the post at all. It's time well spent to get your thoughts down somewhere you can focus on them instead of having them running around in your head.

So, two good things: you recognise what's going on with you, and you've written it down. I hope you start feeling a bit more engaged soon.

You're totally right. Realizing what was going on was the first step, and i've really been trying to pull out of it since. It doesn't help i'm still feeling pretty ill, but i'm focusing on small things. :)

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