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amw
So i found a record of my 1998 philosophy course being marked as "incomplete", not failed. I'm not sure if i can have that count as "withdrawn". I also found an old results certificate from 2000 showing i got a 44 (fail) for one of the two IT courses they now have listed as a fail. I don't even remember taking that course. God knows what happened with the other one. I don't remember a whole lot of anything from back then. If i'd had my shit together and just finished my degree in 2001 like i was on-track to do things might have turned out different. I have a feeling it was all getting too much by the end of 2000, though, working full-time and taking a full-time study load at the same time. I was disintegrating well before my breakdown in 2001. Of course i then picked it all up again in 2004, but i guess that's how my moods go. You know then all of a sudden you can take on anything. Right up until it falls apart anyway. It's been a while since i felt like that. More often i just get paranoid and want to act out, i skip that quasi-productive middle bit. Or i stay here in the doldrums realizing just how many things i fucked up in the past have ended up affecting all my options today.

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Or i stay here in the doldrums realizing just how many things i fucked up in the past have ended up affecting all my options today.

Yeah, me too. I'd be doing one of two things if I'd bothered to follow through in 1999 or 2007 – nursing in Edinburgh, where I left most of my heart back in 2003, or I'd be a doctor (or on the way to being one) with the whole world as my oyster.

*consoling hugs*

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