amw (amw) wrote,
amw
amw

  • Mood:
  • Music:

itching to dance

This morning when i was looking for a drumming thing i found this great Youtube about some stretches you can do for tendonitis. I realized when i was doing these stretches i already have issues, probably from typing. At work i typed a lot more, but i was sitting at a desk - now i am almost always lying on my stomach on the bed, which can't be a good position. I don't have a desk here, though i guess i could use the breakfast table or take up the offer of redecorating the basement office that no one ever uses. I read this column the other day that paraphrased Virginia Woolf about how all a woman needs to write is money and a room. Right now i don't really have either. Can you tell by the quality of my blogging? Heh.

I ran into one of J's friends today at the subway who had literally just broken up with her boyfriend. I know it's been on-again-off-again for years, but you never know when the real one is going to happen, so i gave her a big hug and told her she'd get through it. I mean, you do, mostly, eventually. I said i'd try see her again tonight... After pushing myself out to another family dinner (it's Friday night, don't ya know) i actually still had energy to go, but she wasn't ready yet so i came home instead. Of course then she called but once the bra is off that's it for me, man, my day in public is over. In either case while i sit here topless, destroying my carpal tunnel with no room and no money, she and J and some other dude are drinking and smoking their sorrows away in the local park like teenagers. It so doesn't help.

I think i want to write more but not here.

This week J started changing her surname to mine. I never asked for it or at all expected it - not in this day and age - but it's kinda flattering. It's also a little scary, like she is giving up part of her identity for me. I guess millions of women have done it before, but it feels so... i don't know, real? I never really pictured anyone "having" my name. It's like there's this added responsibility. It's... it's scary being grown-up, like actually really committing and being serious about keeping your shit together for someone. Yesterday and today have been good days. I actually have an appointment with a talk-therapist now, so that's a start... But you know, this girl is in it for real, that means i gotta give her the best i can be. You can't just build a marriage on love, you know, there's all these other responsibilities too, the ones i usually seem to fuck up, so yeah scary.

I really want to dance.
Tags: anxiety, bird in a gilded cage, manic
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments