amw (amw) wrote,

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return policy

About three years ago when i was still with M we had gone to... some event, i can't even remember what it was. We were taking the cab back home and on the radio was Blondie - Call Me. I remember the song from my childhood but since living in America it always reminds me of T. I was looking out the window, seeing something so different than Melbourne going past. I held back my tears, grinding my teeth till we got home and then i fell apart and i never told her why. She probably knew.

I guess our relationship was pretty much on the rocks from that point, we stayed together without having sex, hanging out all the time like good friends. I got more sucked into work, making friends, going out clubbing, playing basketball... And i kept getting struck here and there with pangs of sadness, with miscellaneous crazy episodes that i was suddenly much more aware of. Sometimes being shocked into self-consciousness can be a good thing, it's the only way to work things out. Though it'd probably help the whole no sex thing to actually talk with your partner too.

So, you know, these days i talk. J either gets the Cliff's Notes of my journal posts or the rambling in-depth version, depending on what comes out first. It's one of the best things i've figured out, to talk to my partner about all the shit going on without getting into some fucked up situation where it's almost like you're trying to pull the other person in with you. It's still hard, though, for her. I'm not sure how to make it easy, like hey surprise, i'm crazy, but don't worry i come with a lifetime warranty... Of course she knew that well before purchase, so... heh

Also three years ago i bought my first TV, when M and i moved into our own place in Melbourne. It was a fuck-up from the start, it didn't come in a box, we cabbed it home in the rain and within a week the remote was broken. We couldn't get a replacement because the line was discontinued and we bought the last one in the store. So we spent more money cabbing it back to the store only to replace it with a more expensive model anyway.

I should have remembered that experience before attempting to buy my second TV. It's been over two weeks now since J and i placed the order. My credit card has been charged, Canada Post have admitted to losing the package, and are refusing to refund the money until they go through some bullshit process. Meanwhile i still have no fucking TV. Well tonight we'd had enough and (thanks to J's dad) bought a more expensive model in-store and next week i'll dispute the original charge on my credit card. This whole situation has left me pissed and stressed all week so it feels really good to see the freakin thing finally sitting there.

Of course i only remembered that first purchase as we were loading this one into the car, mostly because the newfangled LCD technology slid into the trunk about a thousand times easier than the unwieldy CRT i hauled into the front seat of a cab - thrice. I wonder what other little memories like that i have tucked away. Probably tons. I usually don't remember much in detail, it's another reason why i write... Something to jog my memory. So much gets misty. But some of it is important stuff you gotta learn from. Important stuff like when you buy a TV expect to have to buy it twice before you actually get one. Oh, and talk to your partner about shit.

And don't let one song break you into a million pieces.
Tags: looking back

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