It's also why i find it so hard to work as a software developer. I've turned my job - one that requires a strong mental focus - into one of those unhealthy things like i compulsively ponder on when i'm depressed. It sucks me into that paralyzing sense of numbness, even if emotionally i am feeling fine. But i know other people can do it, hold down mentally demanding careers without becoming zombies... I mean there are two ways to look at it: either this is an extra challenge i have because of being bipolar, or i just never learned how to ground myself when working on exclusively cerebral tasks. Maybe it's a bit of both. To address the former i could look at a different career. The latter i'm working on in therapy. It kind of needs to come to a head soon, though, because it's going to impact what i do in a couple months time.
If money were no object i'd change careers regardless because software development and office work in general is soul-destroying anyway, but i kind of need the money to pay for healthcare and fund my other interests. So... can i do it?