amw (amw) wrote,

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if i could bake money... i'd probably burn it

My sister just posted the Facebook invitation to her Halloween party, complete with fall-themed menu. It's funny, she's into gourmet cookery far, far more than me, but she has no desire to study it. I want to study haute cuisine so i can make better fast food. I could give two shits about garlic-mashed, orange-glazed, jus-drizzled whatever. But if i can learn ways to make simple stuff taste awesome then that makes my day.

I don't have much ambition when it comes to possibly making a career out of cooking. I have no drive to open a top restaurant serving foie gras to foodies - i just want my diner, somewhere ordinary people can come and chill and eat cheap and cheerful American fare with the odd ethnic surprise tossed in. It hardly seems worth the time and money it'd take to learn how to cook properly.

Especially when i have no money. Immigration is a giant ball of suck. This week they processed applications from the first week of March - ours was received third week of May. So there's still another ten week wait, which cuts extremely close to the November 21 deadline i now have. Once the wait is over i still need to get my work permit, social insurance number, health card, bank account etc. I'm a bit concerned about ballooning costs; my legal fees are due earlier than i thought, which eats up the windfall i got in my tax return. I think i wrote a few weeks ago about feeling paralyzed financially because even though i have all this money in the bank i have an extremely precise budget worked out that if i fuck just one thing up i won't be able to make it. Yeah. That feeling hasn't gone away, it's just breaking me apart even more now because my mind is racing on all these things i want to spend money on.

Like send my sister some Halloween stuff, for example. If she's going to do a party she should get some goodies from a place where it's actually celebrated. When we moved i gave her most of the stuff i still had from the US and all the little things i managed to collect in obscure Australian dollar stores since then. I'm telling you, it hurt to part with some of that cheesy shit. But see, if i go buy her Halloweeny stuff now (which i need to do early so it gets to her in time), then i can make a list for me while i'm there and budget appropriately. It all makes perfect sense :-D

I'd save a lot of money by skipping the Culinary Skills course this term. The course itself is nearly a grand, plus you need full uniform and gear worth several hundred. That would give me leeway to spend money on fun stuff like the holidays. Perhaps i could fly to Chicago or Boston to apply for my work permit instead of dealing with the clowns at the Fort Erie land crossing. Spend a bit more time getting my driver's license and doing some other things comfortably instead of on the cheap. I guess it just gives me that financial buffer where i don't have to try suppress every single fucking spark of inspiration that involves a dollar amount. But the price i'd pay is once again giving up on something i started, stopping doing something i'm actually really enjoying.

So in conclusion, immigration sucks and money sucks more.

J is in Montreal this weekend so i will meditate on my options and come up with something Monday. No, going into debt on my credit card is not an option. No no no sirree, not doing that again. I am going to play my drum now because i need some focus. Besides, i hear a sa'idi calling.

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