amw (amw) wrote,

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my brain is floating in alphabet soup

There are days it all gets so intangible, the world, like it's just some distant hum. I move around in it and interact with it, but i'm not there. My therapist thinks it may be a subconscious defense against anxiety, isolating myself from the environment by detaching. I don't feel anxious, though. I'm all achy.

Yesterday i got up after way too little sleep because Sunday night i was kidnapped by an internet gnome. I decided to visit the martial arts school up the road and proceeded to get punched, choked and thrown on the floor repeatedly. It was fun. I came home and meditated and drummed and boy, was i feeling great. J came home from Montreal and i was so good, i actually went to bed with her for once and had a relatively normal night's sleep.

This morning i woke up in great pain. The workout hadn't felt like much while i was doing it, but perhaps i was just too high yesterday to care. My upper body aches, arms and sides... So i took a down day, for my body at least, but i don't know where my head was. Words bubbled out of me in emails and things and i'm not entirely sure if any of it made sense, then J had some drama at work and i was too out of it to really be there for her. I did get the laundry done, though, because that was so very important. Where did the day go?

We went out for dinner, some fine Mexican, and apparently they put peyote in my tacos because i completely lost touch with everything till about an hour ago. It's a little disturbing when i can't make a fucking word come out of my mouth without it getting garbled. Actually it's hysterically funny at the time, but then so is wandering around the grocery store looking for hotdog buns that don't exist. Apparently. Perhaps i got hit on the head a little too hard yesterday.

So whether it's anxiety or psychosis or sleep deprivation or low blood sugar or a bonk on the head, things were a scattery mess today. It's interesting the first words to spill out onto the page mirror those i used to use when referencing the comedown. Hmm. Tomorrow will be better. Tonight... we still have tonight.
Tags: crazy

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