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blahberry jam
singapore sunset
I hate being in this mood. This morning i actually did get up at 9:30 when my alarm went off. I put the garbage out on the curb, then went back to bed because i thought what's one more hour? Well one hour turned into two, and when i woke i'd had such messed up dreams that i spent another hour curled in a ball crying.

Eventually i got up for real, showered and had breakfast and checked my email. When i realized the time i headed out to frantically do laundry before my 3:30 date at J's work. She sprained her shoulder on the weekend and it hasn't improved, so i accompanied her to a walk-in clinic after her shift. That pretty much wiped out the rest of my day. I missed boxing in the evening, but that's okay because i needed to look after J. The frustrating thing is i also didn't do any exercise in the morning or spend an hour on my drum like i hoped. I didn't visit the Halloween store or bake cookies or prepare something for dinner or send off my basketball registration or, well, anything i actually wanted to do. I lost half the day to sleep and tears.

It drives me nuts how when i feel like this even the things i like to do seem like such a huge effort. There is fun stuff waiting for me and i'd still rather hide in bed. It sucks sucks sucks. Blah blah poor me. At least i can step outside of myself these days and see how pathetic it is. And then try again the next day and the next. I won't let it beat me. It might take a week instead of a day but i will get this stuff done, damnit, and i will enjoy it too.