Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Not the only one...
mom walk
I missed the show tonight and will have to watch it coming Saturday, but you have no idea how much less lonely this makes me feel:


The ages, the background, it's like a carbon copy of my story. This is something i really haven't talked about much in my journal. It's on my mind every single day, and at times i cry for hours and hours. Noone really knows how to help me, and to be honest i don't really know how to help myself either. Recently i've just pushed it aside, trying to deal with other, more important things. I'm surviving, yet every time i think back to this i need to pull out everything i can to stop myself collapsing back into depression. I don't know what to do, i just don't know :(

  • 1
i find it interesting how relatively easy it seems to have a sex change in australia. it takes years over here and it's almost impossible for anyone very young.

In theory it's the same over here - all the surgeons have the same set of standards as they do in the States... I think it might relate to the culture somewhat, though.

People in Australia have a very, very low opinion of psychiatrists. Shrinks are considered a stupid American thing, and i think that encourages those who really need a psychiatrist to not take them seriously or to not be honest with them when they do go. It's not just an Australian thing, either, in fact in Europe it's even worse in Europe. Psychiatrists and psychologists are considered to be for looking after chronically schizophrenic nutcases and exceedingly rich people with nothing better to do. And that's about it.

Then there's the whole "Aussie macho" thing, and i have a feeling a lot of the transgender specialists here feel like they're rebeling against that. I wonder if they have the tendency to push people who shouldn't really be pushed as a part of their own personal crusade against the "male-dominated" culture.

I can't really figure it out - i've met a handful of under-21 post-ops here... they all seemed quite happy. In all the time i went through this only two people spoke a word against it - my father and a friend of mine. And they were the only two males i ever spoke to it about. You know most chicks seem to think transsexuals are cute.

Doesn't the process requires several years of living as the opposite gender before any operation can be considered? I don't even think it would possible to complete the process before age 21 in the US. Granted, the amount of psychiatric evaluations required may be greater.

Actually here in the US it's only one year that's required as far as "living as the opposite gender." And it certainly is possible to complete the process before age 21, although difficult for most (you need to have the money, which is no small chunk of change - but the only other definate requirement is being 18 or over). Psychiatric evaluations are required, but it's not like someone couldn't figure out "the right thing to say" if they really wanted to fool the therapists (unfortunately). I just have a hard time understanding why people would want to, it seems like such an odd choice to make coming out of nowhere (by which I mean if there isn't any lifelong history of such issues). But obviously it happens, and it's too bad it does to say the least...

ximnot hit the nail on the head there, but one other thing to remember is that transsexuals are split into two categories - those who realize it young and are fucked up all through school and end up getting the surgery close to their 18th, and those who realize it old and do it all when they're 30+. It's that latter group that the Standards of Care is most strictly applied to.

Unfortunately i fell right in the middle because i'd never had any "warning" during my youth and then it just happened when i was 19, so i think the therapists decided to pretend i was one of the former group and go easy on me.

"You know most chicks seem to think transsexuals are cute." That doesn't sit well with me. Of course you know I am great at taking things personally that have nothing to do with me, but if you will remember This girl never spoke out against it because you presented it as something you needed to do in order to live a.. oh just to live. I don't think it was ever soley a matter of "transexuals are cute". You convinced everyone along with yourself so comletely that I just think every one was trying to support you. Um yeah, I'll shut up now.

Oh hon you know i didn't mean you. I was talking about my mother, sister and specialists. That group of five or six people were the only people i had any real life contact with outside of work for almost 18 months. I know you were only supporting me in whatever i felt was right at the time, and perhaps they were too... And maybe it's my paranoia but even now i can't shake the feeling that women in general (and no i don't mean you because our relationship is so different) have somewhat of a soft spot for guys who want to become chicks.

I kick myself in the ass everytime I think about it. I realize I wasn't the one who made you do it...but I started you down the road, gave you the ammunition AND the gun.

I'm horrified that I was a party to this, and I've apologized as much as I can for my part in this. I've apologized to myself more times than you know. I just wish there was a way I could fix this.

Until then, draw what you need from me, it is freely given.

You can't take the blame, Jenn, because if it hadn't been you, it would've been someone else. And if it hadn't been someone else, it would've been someTHING else. And at the end of the day, better i'm an unhappy post-op than that i met someone who made me decide the way out would be to kill myself shooting up or something.

Yes, it is nice to still have you around. :)

  • 1