amw (amw) wrote,

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spin with the leaves in the wind

I am feeling kinda sick. The last few nights i've had this thing where i go to bed very late and then wake up after just a few hours, my mind aching to move, perhaps to pull free of the dreams. But so far i've been forcing myself to stay in bed, pillow over my head, till i pass out again. I'm losing half the day and my sleep is restless but it's better than not sleeping enough.

Therapy started digging in places i didn't really want to go, i guess. It's not making anyone's life pleasant. I hate not knowing what is real.

There are lots of other things going on, though for some reason they're not coming out from the keyboard. Drumming, boxing, Spanish tonight. Basketball starts in a couple weeks. We went to a movie on the weekend, got soaking wet in the rain and ate katsu don under neon lights. I bought another book and some music. I can't really afford it but it's been a long, long time since i bought anything for fun. Minus the other book and Halloween decorations earlier in the week. Erm...

I tried to drink tea to cut back on Diet Coke the other day. It didn't work. I seem to drink more coke when i am trying not to do other things. J bought a pack of the "fake" Marlboros they sell in Canada and it made me want to smoke again. Guess the urge comes and goes. Everything always does, there's not much that's constant whether i want it or not.

Cool autumn nights, rainy days and falling leaves, it fills me with all this... anticipation. It's different up here than in it was in Australia, the seasons are more pronounced. We're going somewhere, something is happening, and on every breath it's like you're more a part of it. The essence of fall pervades everything, and i know that's real. It's beautiful.
Tags: crazy

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