amw (amw) wrote,

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more spookies

Riding the Scarborough RT to the mall you get the sense you have left Toronto altogether. It's much more suburban, but in a grittier way than the northern suburbs. The tracks wind through light industrial sites - factories and warehouses covered in full-color graffiti. The residential towers clustering around the station overlook an empty parking lot with a solitary basketball hoop standing tall against the rain. I guess everyone is either shivering in their homes or sitting with me on the RT, absorbed in their own thoughts.

Next weekend we are going to put on a small Thanksgiving dinner for the family. Most Canadians celebrate it the same as the US except six weeks early, and J has adopted it as her special holiday. Her family makes a big deal of all the Jewish and Hallmark ones, i like doing something for Easter, Christmas and Halloween, but this holiday is hers. She wants to make a turkey, i want to make cornbread. I have no idea how to make either, but we're going to give it our best shot. I figured i'd get the ball rolling today by heading out to Bulk Barn and Wal-Mart to pick up supplies. Of course i got completely distracted by Halloween goodies at the dollar stores and now we have a massive bucket of candy and some lights and pumpkin carving sets but still nothing to stuff a turkey.

It was great seeing all the kids getting excited about Halloweeny stuff. I'm getting used to these sort of incongruent images living in Toronto. Here where i live the boys run around in kurtas and topis playing street hockey. Out in Scarborough the girls in saris were looking just as eagerly at the spooky deely boppers as their friends in jeans. Just seeing the cross-cultural appeal of the holiday at the mall makes me excited for trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. Most of the families here are first generation immigrants, so i wasn't sure if they'd take their kids out...

Should i get dressed up? As an adult i've only been dressed up for Halloween once, and that was when i was in the US and had T as my personal stylist :-) In Australia all i did was wear black, apply goth-y makeup and carry spooky accessories. Granted it's not a big deal because no one in Australia gets dressed up, but i know it's something i still feel very weird about. Every day i happily wear jeans or chinos, a tank and hoodie, a pair of Adidas... Any time i have to wear something different i feel really self-conscious, i feel gross and uncomfortable and i hate myself and i want to throw up. For some reason i react to the idea of being in costume just as badly as any other clothes outside of my standard uniform. My anxiety about clothing has gotten so bad, it's worse now than it's ever been. Probably one of the few areas i've gone backwards... I don't know what to do.

Apparently downtown it gets crazy. I don't know anyone here to party with, which is probably just fine. J is thinking about going to some event and i've already pulled back from it because it's a straight edge gig playing "party music". Historically i've needed a lot of lubrication to enjoy shitty music at a party, and when i eventually get to the point of enjoyment i tend to make a fool of myself and/or irritate everyone else, so yeah but nah. I guess i could go downtown and watch other people make fools of themselves. Or i could just stay home and watch non-spooky movies (J doesn't like horror). See then i don't need to get dressed up either. It's almost like Halloween but not! They don't even have Boo Berry at Wal-Mart :-(

I did get a weird Día de los Muertos-looking snow globe that i find oddly romantic, though.

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