So my mind was all over earlier and i didn't really write about what i wanted to write about. Going to the gym definitely helped me settle. I think where i was angling is that i've felt very alone since i left T because there's been no one since who i've felt safe enough with to talk to about everything. There has been a lot of stuff i've had to deal with by myself because no one else understood the context or even knew it was going on. I haven't been able to write about all of it here either. Getting back into therapy has been freakin awesome - for me and for my relationship - because not only do i have a person i can tell all my shit to but it's also someone who isn't involved in any of it. She doesn't get everything, she doesn't share my crazy, but she listens and kicks my ass when i need it. It's the best decision i made all year. I am extremely close to running out of my savings and when i think of the money i've spent on therapy just over these few months it boggles me, but at the end of the day every cent has been worth it. I have to thank my mom because without her financial help over the last couple months there's just no way i'd have come this far. I still feel alone sometimes, but now i'm alone like the Moon, coming and going and revealing myself every now and then. Who knows? Maybe Apollo will visit again.
awake 
