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It really chaps my ass when friends comment on my Facebook or reply to my monthly update emails saying how we totally need to get together for drinks again, completely ignoring everything else in my life. It makes it even worse when they talk about how night such-and-such was one of their best nights ever and they really miss partying with me. Knowing that trashy me could be sociable, entertaining and entirely hilarious kinda pisses sober me off, because i know i have so much more to offer now. I'm as much a dork as ever, i can still be charming and funny, but i also have passions and goals and stories and it frustrates me that a lot of my friends don't seem interested. I know the people i've made the effort to stay in touch with aren't the shallow ones, so it scares me when their fondest memories of me are when i was fucked up and that that's the only way they can connect now. That's what happened with M and i after we broke up too, and it's like... wtf. Did anyone ever really know me?

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I feel you. I get that ALL the time- "Let's get together for drinks." Ok, great, I DON'T DRINK ANYMORE. It annoys me for the same reason. Like, do you just not care, or do you honestly not know? Because its kind of a big deal to me. I feel like I get ZERO support with it. Sucks.

Not to mention, can't you think of anything better to do than "get together for drinks?" I'd rather do something REAL but no one is interested.

I'm not quite sure if it fits the topic, but I feel that most of people who pretend to care about me actually want to look good in their own eyes.

Wishlists, right? I put exatly what I want and only true friends read it, other people being aware of that list clearly, just bring some bullcrap I toss outta window.

I wouldn't be so cynical as to say that the only reason people try do things for you is to make themselves feel good, though i do think it's true that most people prefer to give to a relationship in a way that makes them feel good too. I think that's human :) It's just frustrating when someone gets so wrapped up in their own thing they lose sight of the person on the other side.

In the case of gifts i am a big fan of the surprise gift. If someone gets me a wish list gift then they might as well have just given me some cash so i could buy whatever i wanted. I like to think that if someone cares enough to get me a gift they should also know me well enough to be able to find something i'll like on their own. It's the thought that matters to me. That sentiment tends to annoy people who grew up working off wish lists, though :)

Yeah, it's really hard. J and i have a friend back in Australia who is several years sober. She still goes out with everyone but only drinks coke and leaves the party before people get stupid. People just accept that, but i think it's because she started off meeting new people as a non-drinker. It seems almost impossible to redefine existing relationships where that was a part of it. And that just depresses me because it's like fuck... is that all we were, drinking buddies? I always thought it went a little deeper. I'd like to think i'd support my friends if they decided to make some kind of positive change in their life, whatever it was.

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