amw (amw) wrote,

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pygmy commandos, hobgoblins, whatever

I have a weird fascination with Alice in Wonderland. I'm not sure when it started, exactly - perhaps with reading the abridged fairy tales as a child, or seeing the Disney animated feature, or later when my own flight into fantasy led me to flirt with choosing the name "Alice" for myself. I had a friend, once, who would call me that all the time. It seemed particularly fitting as he was a drug buddy and we delighted in our absurd conversations, my words often edging into insanity even when i wasn't high. I always liked to conjure a strange sort of logic to contain my aimless babble, or at least i liked to believe that my nonsense was internally sensible.

I'm not obsessive about it, but when i come across an adaption i haven't seen before i go out of my way to try see it. You can imagine my excitement the first time i saw the trailer for Tim Burton's upcoming Alice, even though pretty much all his other movies annoy me. But i was even more excited when i stumbled upon Sy Fy's miniseries that aired earlier this month. I downloaded it and saved it for Boxing Day when i knew J would be working and i could watch uninterrupted. It was a delightfully bizarre and oddly enjoyable pastiche. All the references made to the original story and other books and movies were fabulously quirky. The Cheshire Cat made me laugh, and those flamingos!

I really miss having a cat. J hates them, so i guess that's one of those experiences i have to have vicariously now, by way of the stories and photos of my friends. Lately we have both been struck by how different we are. Everything seems opposite, from our taste in music and movies and pets, to our sense of spirituality and beauty and wonder, to the way we look at family and friendships... I guess the important thing is we look at our relationship the same way, we support each other as we are and aren't under any illusions things will ever be "perfect". It's actually kind of reassuring. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together and everything kinda flowed, we laughed a lot and it just felt good. Somehow she deals with my madness, and that's the best gift she could give. Even if i don't get to have a cat. Or get to watch freakin Alice in Wonderland with my partner.

This... i guess more and more joys i experience in me, alone. I try to capture the essence when i write here, just sharing with the ether it feels like sometimes, but that's okay. I might not be doing it all with someone but the people around me get to share the smiles and creations that come from it. I can at least hold on, harness the inspiration. The spark will fall somewhere, sometime.

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