amw (amw) wrote,

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it just attenuates the amplitude

When i was 16 i wrote a track called "Life is a Sinewave". I liked the poetry of the title, given the track's up and down progressions and use of a sine wave sub-bass patch. It was about my first love and those last few months of high school. I think at the time i figured everyone's moods - and fortunes - rose and fell as violently and predictably as mine. Because all teenagers are fucked up, right?

I tend to forget about it. Yesterday, though, i was at the gym and chatting to a kid who suddenly came out with how she hadn't slept in days because she was on a high and the meds weren't working and yep i'm gonna sleep tonight though because i'm gonna work out so hard you know holy crap i fucking love this song don't you love this song? It's simultaneously chilling and seductive every time. I tried to help her out, get her focused on hitting the bags. I told her i wish i'd had bags to hit 10 years ago, that she needed to breathe and be patient and keep working with her doctor to get the dosage right and that life really is much better when you're stable. You know, all the stuff you don't want to hear when you're manic.

Of course then coming home i felt like a bit of a fraud given over the last ten days i've forgotten to take my meds twice. And the whole hardware store saga the other day where i decided i was not only going to build a desk but buy all the tools i needed to do it too. I managed to pull myself out of that one when i realized i was so weak with hunger i could barely carry all the shit i'd picked up. Which isn't to say i don't have a bunch of other dumbass projects going right now that i haven't mentioned here yet. Yup so all these years on it's still there, just doing a better job of keeping my ship on course. Yarrr.

I think i am going to get serious about going back to college. Because when you're broke what could be a smarter move than going into debt to work on an arts degree? I think i might want to teach.
Tags: crazy

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