It's funny, for years i thought being a self-employed consultant sounded like an ideal job in theory, but i never had the experience i needed to land that first contract or the confidence to bullshit my way in. Now, apparently desperate to have some help on this project, a local company is trusting me to be their business analyst and user experience architect. I've always believed i could do this sort of thing, but no one ever gave me the chance. Maybe i never really gave myself the chance. Tomorrow i am taking a very long commute to the outer suburbs so i can meet with the staff at a health care clinic and refine the bloated and vague requirements document they currently have. I will also be drawing up storyboards and wireframes. Then it'll be home to design the navigational flow and basic look of the system. It feels like a dream. I'm going to be the face of a company, i'm going to have to be sociable and outgoing and deal with people all day, and i don't have any partner or boss to fall back on. I am scared out of my mind, but excited too.
Perhaps that's why today was such a disaster. I slept through my alarm so was pissed when i woke up, then i had breakfast and started doing some work so that was good, then the client didn't pick up his phone so i started getting really anxious, then M canceled on drum practice tonight so i got depressed too, then i thought fuck it and decided to drum on my own which eventually brought my mood back up, and just as i was lost in my çiftetelli the client called so we set up the meeting and i felt great, but then when i headed out to surprise J at work i got tied up waiting to scan my signed contract at Fedex Office, then because i was so frustrated i took the wrong fucking train and was even later, then i got another one of those fierce low blood sugar moods and the rest of the evening was a write-off until dinner. Now i'm okay again. What a fucking day. I can't afford to be an emotional wreck tomorrow so hopefully i got it all out. And yes, i will be bringing a candy bar in case of emergency.
Anywho, the hecticness of this whole week has left me a bit turned around. I haven't really spent as much time on my own things as i'd like, so i need to make sure i do that on the weekend. I'd love to continue my drum practice, i was so happy in my little zone. I think i will meditate too. Yup. Okay so i am writing like i'm employed again - fucking boring. More contemplative entries pending. Somehow right now i need to put myself to sleep so i can be up before 6 without being a complete zombie.