I've got all this shit to write and the only place i can do it is in my paper journals. It's been a while since i was so depressed i didn't even have the motivation to get out of bed. I fought myself for a few hours and finally pulled myself up in time for the late class where i let some anger out. J was waiting when i got home and told me her grandma was about to pass away. So that fucking rocked. I've had to be strong for her all afternoon, all evening. She's flying to Montreal tomorrow. I'm just hoping my own shit will stay together after she leaves so i can do the work i need to do. Thank fuck i get to drum tomorrow night. I'd talk about the gig yesterday if it wouldn't break me apart again. It was spectacular, though, really beautiful. I cried.