awakeLast week my therapist asked me if it had ever occurred to me that some of my issues with feeling rejected or offended when people don't put me top of the list (in relationships and in my career) could be the result of grandiosity. Har. My eyebrows shot up like they did with that whole double-murder-suicide thing 8 years ago. Because you know, it's their job to see crazy so they'll even see it when it isn't there, right? The thing is she's never really directly mentioned anything regarding my bipolar before, almost like it it doesn't exist. We're working on accepting issues from my past and dealing with anxiety, mainly. But the last two weeks? Since i started on my new meds... Today she said i should call my psychiatrist and try see if i could get an earlier appointment. Is she seeing something i'm not? I know my attention span has dropped to pretty much zero lately, motivation is out the window and i am spending most of my days chasing wild thoughts that don't lead anywhere. It didn't feel any different to normal. Ugh.
Maybe it didn't help i visited a psych unit yesterday for the first time in ... a long ass time. There are lots of little triggers. Sometimes i like to think triggers aren't real... like it's just all in my head... but of course... it is in my head, that's the whole point. So, yeah, i had something smart to say but now i don't.
