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two in one day, oh my!
singapore sunset
amw
So part of the problem is this. I like too much stuff. I was just at drum class and i've pretty much hit the point where i need to put in an hour a day of drills or resign myself to being a drum circle hippie for life. It's the same stage i got to with guitar when i gave it up in favor of electronic music. Even now i can still pick up a guitar and play chords for a sing-along, but good luck getting me to play the Satriani i was fumbling with 15+ years ago.

I'm struggling in Spanish class this term. Aside from the couple months break and my head being full of Zyprexa, i'm struggling because i just haven't exposed myself to enough Spanish on a daily basis. I get snippets in shows like Breaking Bad, i skim a lucha libre blog every day, but that's about it. I don't rent enough movies, i don't go to Latin American stores and strike up conversation, and i don't sit at home drilling vocabulary. I've hit a block.

And boxing. If i really want to be a contender i should be training 5 days a week. I can get in 3 days, but lately even that feels like a lot because i'm so sleepy. I should be running several days a week. I shouldn't be snacking outside of the nutrition regime. I should be calling around to find other people my size to spar with so i can be in peak condition when i get my first fight. I should this, i should that.

Somewhere in between i love listening to music too, and watching TV shows, watching movies, playing basketball, going out dancing and a million other things. Hell i wanted to focus on writing music again, remember that from a few entries back? Oh, and i need to work enough hours to pay the bills. The problem is i need to shit or get off the pot, with everything. There's no point wasting my time and money on classes in any of this stuff if i can't maintain a good practice schedule outside of the day or days i show up to class. But that's where the depression gremlins can get a foot in the door - they say if i can't put in 100% for anything then why not just drop everything? That's no solution either.

When i was in hospital i tried to put together a schedule with work and play in it, but i think i need to break it down into more bits. I can't kill myself by having an impossible practice schedule, but perhaps i need a bit more of a kick in the face when i start procrastinating to say: hey, why not do this instead, or that? The whole reason i'm doing all these things is because i love them, so it should be fun to practice in my downtime.

On the other hand maybe i need to be even easier on myself and accept that because of whatever other things in my life i'll never be able to put in the hours i need to become great... But i should at least be the best i can be. Hrm.

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This is a really long complicated subject. Touched on http://meanwhileimtina.blogspot.com/2009/08/creative-fire-aka-i-have-horrible.html . If I get time I will write an e-mail. Number one thing the word SHOULD needs to be taken out of your vocabulary. It's utterly useless and it feeds resistance.

It's funny you said that about the word "should" last night - this morning someone else said the exact same thing to me. Maybe i should pay attention ;) I'd love to chat more when you get the time. Hope all is well!

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