This week has not been an easy one. It culminated in yesterday's big occasion - J's birthday. The morning was okay - we slept in then went downtown to wander round some bookstores and get her make-up done at MAC. The evening was less good. First was a large dinner with the family, then karaoke with half-family and half-straightedge buddies. I can't stand that shit when i'm drunk, much less sober, but what the hey. I think i did okay, like i did actually engage people in conversation to some degree. I was also very responsible and took my meds with me, so by midnight they'd kicked in and i was enough of a zombie to get a pass to go home. High stress day. I smoked three cigarettes. This morning i broke down for no apparent reason. Like i said, the week has not been an easy one. I ended up a half hour late for boxing, but at least i still went. I whined about the smoking thing and one of my friends said at least you didn't have three hits of crack. Well yah, there's that hehe. Most everyone else gives me more slack than i do. I always want to do all these things because i know that i can do them, i know i can do anything, so when i can't it frustrates the hell out of me. Like waking up. Lately i haven't been waking up on time and i know i can do it because i did actually make it into work before 9 for several years so why shouldn't i be frustrated at myself? How is it so hard right now to get 15 hours of work done each week, and why the fuck am i such a basketcase THIS week? Yeah so it comes in waves i know, i should know. I do know. Doesn't mean i can't still bitch about it. I think i am going to do laundry.