amw (amw) wrote,
amw
amw
  • Mood: frustrated
  • Music: Ceephax Acid Crew - Fantastic Planet

meh

I know i'm not depressed because i don't feel like a failure every time i massively oversleep. Somehow my body is managing to sleep just enough so i can still get the minimum done each day. I'm just managing 15 hours a week of work, i'm just managing to make it to all my appointments with a few minutes to spare. But that's all i'm managing. It leaves me frustrated as hell every morning. Tonight is Rosh Hashanah so in about 3 hours i will need to shower and get all dressed up for the journey up north. I slept almost 13 hours last night. Yesterday i slept about 11 because i had an appointment. I didn't have time to write my morning pages till i got back. 11 or 12 seems to be the default these days.

J has been getting up by 7 each morning because she is back to school this week. It's fucking horrible seeing your partner get up and be so productive when it's just not happening for you. I said to my therapist yesterday i think it has to be something psychological because i've already dropped my Zyprexa to about half what it was in hospital and it hasn't changed shit sleeping-wise. I wake up whenever my alarm goes off - nice and early - and then i think, oh but i just need to finish that dream because it was important, hold on, just give me a minute... Several hours later i come to, no wiser from my dreams and a lot more frustrated at my waking self. Have i somehow trained myself to not give a crap about the day any more? When did that happen?
Tags: crazy
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    switch
    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
    Help
  • 0 comments