amw (amw) wrote,
amw
amw

last one, promise

One interesting thing about today, it marks a full year since i started writing a poem every day. Not a serious poem - no epics or anything - just a little fragment of verse for the hell of it. It was supposed to spark a habit of more interesting and varied writing output for me. At the beginning of last year i was feeling really inspired for some reason. I had started The Artist's Way again, i was going out taking photos, i was spending my time creating and learning and enjoying the world around me. Even when everything fell apart and i ended up in hospital, every morning i wrote my pages and at some point during the day i'd scratch out a poem. One day they confiscated my writing implements because i was having a breakdown and stabbing myself... But the next day i played nice so i could keep writing. I think a handful of those poems were even half decent. Later in the year something twisted and i stopped drumming, i stopped boxing, i stopped Spanish... My poems got (even more) banal and irrelevant. I feel like i should have been improving all year and ending on a bang, but instead it became a chore. Should i keep writing crappy poetry this coming year? Why am i still writing my morning pages? I still have my laundromat journal too. And this one. And fuckin... i still can't write. I'm not concise or witty or enlightening.

Something died in me after my teenage years, some crazy flash of creativity. I wrote short stories like you wouldn't believe in high school. I'm sure they were terrible, but i wrote them just the same. I had a whole bunch of ideas. When i was a kid my best friend and i had dreams of becoming sci-fi writers, getting our books published. We imagined amazing worlds. He went on to become an artist, last i heard. I went on to become a computer programmer. Joy. Is it the medication? The hormones? Did i just "grow up"? Where did that side of me go?

Maybe if i spent my time writing with a goal instead of chronicling the endless circling inside of my head like some freakin solipsistic Daytona commentary...
Subscribe

  • making headline news

    This week my town has been in international news due to the grim discovery of what appears to be 200+ children's bodies buried out back of the…

  • army brat memories

    Wow. I just stumbled upon this wonderful little piece of history. BFBS Startup from 1984 + Birthday Time I am fairly certain I recognize one of…

  • who is rubina?

    This Christmas i tried to hunt down some hangover comfort for myself. The older i've gotten, the more hangovers leave me in utter despair. I…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    switch
    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
    Help
  • 0 comments