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The day i found out M died i had a quarter in the pocket of my winter coat. I can't remember why it was there, but every time i put my coat on i put my hand in my pocket and it was like i felt her spirit there, in that quarter. For over two months now i haven't put any other change in that pocket. She came with me to Boston and back and has traveled all over the city. Yesterday when i was doing laundry i accidentally dropped all the quarters i had for the dryer into that left pocket. I didn't realize it until i had one left over. Today i gave that quarter to a homeless guy in Chinatown... i passed him as i left my psychiatrist's office. It felt like i was letting her go, i think. M killed herself a week after her 27th birthday. I just turned 31 and damnit i know the next week is usually one of the shittiest of the year for me but i will survive. Things are going alright.

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