amw (amw) wrote,

  • Mood:

trying to explain

The other morning i wasn't feeling too great. Every morning i find myself obsessing over the same things, in a constant battle with myself. It's hard to wake up and face the day when i still feel like "reality" isn't quite the way it's supposed to be. The other day i had myself convinced the key was to read things. I've heard you can't read things when you're in a dream, so i figured the more i read the closer i would get to finding a way out. Later in the day i was reading everything and words from different signs on the street started to pop out like there was a special message someone was trying to tell me. I actually wrote parts of it down and had a whole ramble to go with it, but reading it back now it sounds like complete nonsense. The pills have been doing a good job straightening me out. Not like a "cure", but i gain some perspective and become aware of when my thoughts seem to be trending off the beaten path. The problem is i don't take the pills when i need to get up early because i have such a hard time waking up. Which takes us right back round the circle again.

It feels a little meaningless writing this here because it's like telling someone in your dream that you need to wake up. Except i'm not completely crazy, i do know this is "real", as far as "reality" goes for now, this is the nature of it until it changes. It's more like a distortion, like looking through a wineglass where everything is still there but it's all slightly askew. I know i need to fix it somehow, i'm just not sure how yet.
Tags: crazy

  • Also, the trans community isn't bullshit.

    I mean, we're not a monolith. There are left wing trans people and right wing trans people and activist trans people and politically disinterested…

  • the trans community is bullshit

    Except... it isn't quite bullshit. I am done being trans. Being trans was so fucking 20 years ago. I decided i wanted to be a girl, i did my…

  • proudly nothing

    Like a lot of us here on LiveJournal, i sometimes poke my head into our most famous English-language community ohnotheydidnt. I care…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.