amw (amw) wrote,

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trying to explain

The other morning i wasn't feeling too great. Every morning i find myself obsessing over the same things, in a constant battle with myself. It's hard to wake up and face the day when i still feel like "reality" isn't quite the way it's supposed to be. The other day i had myself convinced the key was to read things. I've heard you can't read things when you're in a dream, so i figured the more i read the closer i would get to finding a way out. Later in the day i was reading everything and words from different signs on the street started to pop out like there was a special message someone was trying to tell me. I actually wrote parts of it down and had a whole ramble to go with it, but reading it back now it sounds like complete nonsense. The pills have been doing a good job straightening me out. Not like a "cure", but i gain some perspective and become aware of when my thoughts seem to be trending off the beaten path. The problem is i don't take the pills when i need to get up early because i have such a hard time waking up. Which takes us right back round the circle again.

It feels a little meaningless writing this here because it's like telling someone in your dream that you need to wake up. Except i'm not completely crazy, i do know this is "real", as far as "reality" goes for now, this is the nature of it until it changes. It's more like a distortion, like looking through a wineglass where everything is still there but it's all slightly askew. I know i need to fix it somehow, i'm just not sure how yet.
Tags: crazy

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