amw (amw) wrote,

  • Mood:

smiling faces

Someone recently said to me that i didn't look depressed because i was smiling in all my photos. But most photos i'm in are a really poor yardstick for my mood. I used to never smile in photos. I wasn't unhappy, i just didn't see a reason to put on a face. Somewhere along the line i got so sick of people complaining that i wasn't smiling enough that i learned how to deliberately bare my teeth and do some broad dopey grin for the lens. I still feel stupid doing it, every time. It's not that i never smile naturally - of course i do - it's just that it's not natural for me to put on that face and hold it for a shot. I guess i would make a poor model. Or perhaps not if people looking at the pictures don't notice how forced it is for me. It's funny that people who only read my writing online and then meet me in real life often find me less morose than they expected, whereas people who see my photos expect me to be more effervescent than i am. Really i'm just unremarkable. Still subtly depressed, yet not completely incapable of enjoying things. And i lie to cameras.

  • Weekend long read: censorship, Hollywood and Uncle Roger

    The latest cancel culture drama was around Malaysian stand-up comic Nigel Ng, better known as his YouTube character Uncle Roger. During pandemic, a…

  • how i learned to cook

    Yesterday i went on a wonderful and picturesque bike ride around the airport, but a comment on my last entry got me thinking about writing something…

  • adjusting to the pace

    Last night i slept my first night in a house-house in... gosh, i don't know, it must be 8 or 9 years. It feels very strange to be in a building made…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.