amw (amw) wrote,

  • Mood:

smiling faces

Someone recently said to me that i didn't look depressed because i was smiling in all my photos. But most photos i'm in are a really poor yardstick for my mood. I used to never smile in photos. I wasn't unhappy, i just didn't see a reason to put on a face. Somewhere along the line i got so sick of people complaining that i wasn't smiling enough that i learned how to deliberately bare my teeth and do some broad dopey grin for the lens. I still feel stupid doing it, every time. It's not that i never smile naturally - of course i do - it's just that it's not natural for me to put on that face and hold it for a shot. I guess i would make a poor model. Or perhaps not if people looking at the pictures don't notice how forced it is for me. It's funny that people who only read my writing online and then meet me in real life often find me less morose than they expected, whereas people who see my photos expect me to be more effervescent than i am. Really i'm just unremarkable. Still subtly depressed, yet not completely incapable of enjoying things. And i lie to cameras.

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