amw (amw) wrote,

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My doc has upped me to 10mg Abilify this week. He agreed with my suspicions that the main change for me over the past two weeks has been dropping the Zyprexa. That's totally sorted my sleeping patterns out. It's possible that only 5mg of the Abilify is enough to keep the psychotic creepy crawlies away, but we can't tell for sure without giving it more time. Because he's leaving soon, he wanted to quickly try a higher dose to see if it would motivate me a bit more and help me break out of this last little wall of blah. If it does, great, otherwise we can always drop it back down or stop it altogether. The latter option is fine with me because Abilify is very, very fucking expensive. But my mental health is worth more.

On a side note, dropping the Zyprexa has brought back that pattern where i sleep for 4-5 hours, wake up, have an overwhelming urge to check all my email, then think what the fuck am i doing and go back to sleep for a few more hours. It's a weird compulsion. I think it might stem from being in a long distance relationship for so many years, and then again for a few months in 2007/2008. I'm always secretly hoping that i'll get some wonderful or important piece of email overnight and i can't get back to sleep without taking a quick peek. It's always crushingly disappointing when there's nothing. Well, for all of the twenty-odd minutes of tossing and turning till i fall asleep again.

Oh, and my mysterious back pain has returned. This is probably entirely unrelated. Wah poor me.

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