So after whining yesterday i did force myself up to have a shower. And then i made myself do laundry. And then i made myself go out for dinner with J. I had a couple of drinks, which seemed to make things easier. I know it's not a crutch i should start relying on again. In any case, i was relaxed enough to consider going to the Canada Day fireworks to meet some of her friends. Naturally the one time i agree to come along to something it doesn't work out - public transport was so backed up we had to take a cab and even then by the time we got to the place we were going the fireworks were over. We walked around in the dark with thousands of other people milling around and couldn't find her friends because the cell networks were overloaded as well. In the end we walked 30+ minutes back to the nearest subway stop just to get home. Not exactly an idyllic night out, but at least i got out of the house and stopped feeling sorry for myself for a while. That's all i can do, keep pushing myself, i guess. I still feel so frustrated and depressed about everything but i have to survive it, what else can i do?