amw (amw) wrote,

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I just wrote a massively long email to my sister about immigration to the US. It's kinda painful and i'm jealous and happy for her all at the same time. A while ago - i'm not entirely sure when, because she kept it secret - she met an American guy online who she has completely fallen for. She first started emailing me about him when she was having trouble dealing with his being bipolar, and she wanted some insight there, and now they're talking about living together. It was weird enough giving her advice about how to deal with a bipolar partner, especially given her own erratic moods that she appears completely oblivious to, but this... It hurts so much because i remember how desperately fucking hard it is to feel that way, and unfortunately for my sister she is financially much closer to where i was in 2000 than where i was in 2007. On the up side, they're not a gay couple, so they could do a K-1 and get married relatively easily. But even with that going for them, it will be lots of paperwork, months of agonizing waiting, government fees out the ass, and so very many tears over the phone. Add to that an unmedicated manic depressive and... well, fuck. It just hits close to home in a lot of ways. I hope it works out for them, i really do. Though i won't deny a tiny bit of jealousy if she gets permanent residence in a country she never had any interested in visiting (much less living in) while i'm still stuck.

I had an interesting weekend. I decided to stay in Friday night because, well, you know. My head has been getting a little carried away with itself lately and it's so easy to lose control. I had already planned to go out Saturday so i forced myself to say no to a spur-of-the-moment invitation. I probably should've said yes. But i'll get to that. More amusingly, Saturday night i had a Christmas party for a company i have been doing freelance work for over the last 2 years or so. Hilariously, i have never met a single person in the company, yet i was still invited to the party. This would not be so hilarious on its own, except for the fact that the company i actually work full-time for decided not to do a Christmas party this year at all. So J and i went to this Christmas party to meet a bunch of people i've never met or even heard of, and the only person i knew - and only via email - was my boss/client. It was a very G-rated evening. Almost everyone in the company had rugrats, so we were surrounded by children commandeering smartphones to play Angry Birds. Totally and completely not my scene at all, but whatever, right? I was going out afterwards anyway.

I got to the party around midnight and promptly had some idiot run into me, spilling my drinks all over my shirt. Fortunately it was only $5 a drink. It was some underground techno party, all locals, huge sound system, dark as fuck room with some red lights and a laser. Sadly, the music was utterly boring. I haven't been a big fan of techno since 97ish, but lately i've been trying out lots of different parties just to see what's going on here, so i thought i'd take a risk. Also there was good internet buzz. I guess i should know that internet nerds are all jaded techno nerds. The dancefloor was very serious. People were very inside themselves, not smiling or laughing. The music was dark and angry. Perhaps if i had been full of drugs it would've been okay, but alas, i only had alcohol. And only till 2am. And most of it was over my shirt, especially after the second guy bumped into me. And then i ran into the work colleague i met at Carl Cox a month or so back. I was much less awkward this time, and we chatted a bit. He's a jaded techno nerd as well, but it was really nice to have someone to talk to. Later on a friend of mine appeared. He decided to leave around 3:30, and invited me along with. We ended up back at his friend's place listening to tunes and chatting and drinking and getting rather messy. Passed out there for a few and got home after 12. Was good times. This is the first party i've been to in Toronto where my people saved it for me, because the music and the general vibe was just eh. Yay people.

Anyway, still wish i'd gone out Friday to Dimitri From Paris. Also i got a text this morning from the friend who invited me out Friday night who said she was at an afterhours Saturday that was wicked as fuck. So that was a bit of a bummer, though i guess i had a good time anyway. I just wish i could get the combo - the good music, and the people. Maybe this weekend? Miss Honey Dijon is in town, who i saw some of back in Chicago. She was spectacular, and she's playing here at a warehouse gig on Saturday. It doesn't seem to be getting much online buzz, but maybe that doesn't mean anything. Surely she'll pull a funner crowd!

And Thursday we have a rebel Christmas party. The employees in my office revolted and decided to throw their own gig. We'll all have to pay for ourselves, and partners probably won't be there, but we'll celebrate anyway. I just need to make sure not to get so plastered i have to call in sick Friday, again. And then next week is Vegas! Fuck! So much to do. Dude, Friday there is a sweet gig happening too. I don't know if i can handle another triple header, though. Well... i probably could, but i feel like i should be home sometimes. I guess. Oh, and Saturday is the family Chrismukkah party. Bleh. More rugrats and shit-eating grins. I <3 Christmas except for all the gift giving n stuff. They should just make it decorations and cards and parties. For adults. And festive Rice Krispies. They're the best.

Blah blah wizzy noises and pretty colors.

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