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bust em up
singapore sunset
amw
Last Friday i called in sick and headed out to a music festival for the weekend. It's probably the biggest festival in the Toronto area (though it is about 4 hours drive away) and although i knew it was going on it wasn't till Thursday i decided to go. It was a crazy last-minute decision, but so worth it. It started kinda shitty because the line to get through the gates was almost as long as the drive up there. Even though we were practically stopped the whole time i didn't crack a beer because i knew they were doing crazy searches. Once we finally got up there we saw a bunch of rave kiddies getting their whole car ransacked - sleeping bags rolled out, checking in the wheel wells for drugs, the works. We were a little anxious but once we got up there it was just a cursory glance and then they waved us through. Age has its privileges. Unfortunately it was so late by that point we had to set up the small tent in a tiny gap between a million other tents in pure darkness. Fucking lame. Though, as it turned out, we barely went back to the tent all weekend - when we did sleep it was so fucking cold we just rugged up in the car.

The music was a bit disappointing. I'm not really into breaks of any kind, but i had been looking forward to seeing some big jungle names who were headlining. I guess jungle isn't hip any more because all of them (bar Goldie, who i had always thought to be a total wanker but now totally respect) played fucking dubstep. That's the "new" (well, actually 10 years old, but newly popular) sound with the kids. I can get the appeal - it's fucking angry chainsaw music - but it's also about 70bpm and practically undanceable. And at one point all three main stages and about three of the "renegade"/community tents were playing it. Fucking overload, man. Music festivals are supposed to be about diversity, aren't they? Still, i wandered around and found a couple of nifty indie tents doing house and techno and all kinds of good stuff. Saturday night i went absolutely nuts to a dark and hard fucking Berlin techno set. Even danced in my bra which i don't think i've done since the mid-2000s, and certainly not in freezing ass cold outdoor temperatures. I needed it though. Got a relatively early night and kicked out of there around 8am Sunday while the music was still going. We wanted to beat the rush and the inevitable booze buses on the roads back. I was done for when i got home - slept for 18 hours and stumbled into work Monday. But God did i need it, i so needed it.

It's been a while since i danced like a nutter. Since i've been learning to DJ i've barely left my apartment on the weekends. It doesn't help that my best friend and partner in crime lives three floors up from me. As always seems to be the case in this scene things have gotten a bit drug-fucked and political in the city so a part of me has been hiding. Another part of me is just trying to improve myself. Still, you gotta dance or you forget what the whole thing is about.

My money situation is still precarious. I have a good income and all, but it is tough paying all the bills on your own, not to mention continuing to pay money to an ex you never see. I haven't put a cent into savings since February or March, which kinda sucks because i would like to start putting money away for travel in the future. I am seriously considering disappearing off to Europe in a year or so, just bumming around and enjoying life like so many of my friends have done over the years. I realize i've pushed a lot of those little dreams away in the last 10 years, always trying to save for this or that to be with my partner or do stuff with my partner, and never just going out and doing something that makes me happy. I think i need to stay single for a while, regardless of the company my heart yearns for every now and then. Honestly, i haven't really spent more than 6 months alone since i was fucking 20. And right now, man, i know it might sound bad given my marriage just fell apart, but i haven't felt this good in... i don't know how long.

Of course i'm still fucked up most nights, but such is life. Don't know if i'll ever escape that one, don't know if i want to. Barring the odd "sick" day i'm still kicking ass at work and cooking good food and keeping my shit in order at home. This week i finally unpacked the last of my boxes. I've been holding off because what was still packed was shit i'll never use (not much point in a DVD collection when you don't have a TV, or even a computer with a CD drive), but i realized i don't want to live in a house with fucking boxes in the corners any more. It's barren enough now half the furniture is gone. Tomorrow i have a buddy coming over to spin records and maybe write some tunes - he was the guy who first taught us how to DJ when M got her decks, so it'll be cool for him to see how far i've gotten since then. I'd like to have a place i can have friends over and not feel like they're walking into a warehouse. Well, unless i was going to throw a party, in which case warehouse vibe is good :)

Anywho, coming up to 9:30, guess i should try get an early night for once. Love all you crazy people who still read my shit and hope you are still doing well. LJ is more barren than my frickin vagina. Har.

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Much love darlin :) Keep doing what makes you happy!!!

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