September 7th, 2003

on the res


I was just typing an email to T and i started thinking about how i am missing a home here. I'm living out of a bedroom where none of the furniture is mine and which is missing most of my belongings. I have no living room, no dining room - i'm trapped in these four walls. I've been here almost a year now, and they're as strange to me as ever - i've never become very comfortable with this house with people coming and going every month, hastily decorated and never finished. It's a limbo, a renter's purgatory.

I went from living with a friend in a fairly nice apartment (four years ago) to living by myself in a fairly nice apartment (three years ago) to living with T in a gorgeous house (two years ago) to a boarding house with five locked doors, an old kitchen, a dodgy bathroom and (now) a boarded-up back window. Something feels very wrong about that. I miss T more than ever, but something else i miss is just being able to come home from work and feel like i'm HOME, in a place where i can kick back and unwind. I also miss Elephy and my other cuddly toys :-( Luckily i have the Valentine's bear she gave me, and Poink, the softest dog in the world.