May 5th, 2005

on the res

a meme

Taking a baton from scatterbeetle...

1. Total number of albums (CD/ cassette/ LP/ wax cylinder) I own:

Over 200. My webpage says 206 so i guess that's about right. Unfortunately about 100 are still in America, i think :-(

2. The last album I bought:

That was Frankie Knuckles Presents His Greatest Hits From Trax Records. Thanks go to my sister for the HMV voucher for my birthday!

3.The last album I listened to all the way through:

Elvis Presley "Elvis" last night when i went through a bunch of old stuff to chill out to.

4.Five albums that I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me:

1. Exxos "Dune: Spice Opera" - i think the first or second CD i ever bought, it's got lots of memories of when we moved to Europe after New Zealand.

2. The Cure "Japanese Whispers" - bit of a soundtrack to my more depressing transition times.

3. The Immortals "Mortal Kombat: The Album" - again memories of Europe as well as what turned me on to Lords of Acid and eventually meeting T.

4. Nine Inch Nails "Further Down the Spiral" (European/Australian version) - has Charlie Clouser's awesome "Ruiner" remix on it and is one CD i've been able to listen to for 10 years now without it getting old.

5. Guns'n'Roses "Appetite for Destruction" - back when i was very young and wanting so much to get out of the life i had this made me happy, and it's still great to sing along too.

There's so much more... On the techno side of things there's U96 "Club Bizarre", Underworld "dubnobasswithmyheadman", Xenomorph "Cassandra's Nightmare". Then there's stuff that reminds of my year in America with Tina like Dancehall Crashers and Suicidal Tendencies and Praga Khan. And things that remind me of being a baby like Soft Cell and Human League and Frankie and The Petshop Boys. Or the "me being depressed" selection of Depeche Mode and The Cure and Alien Sex Fiend. Lots of stuff.

I really fucking miss music. I miss the CDs i haven't listened to for years and i miss not having a stereo in my bedroom and i miss not having a (working) stereo in my car. I have to do something about all those things some day.

5. Which five people am I passing the baton onto? And why?

I don't think i have 5 people on my friends list that are active any more! So i guess just anyone who feels up for it :-)
on the res

vacationing

I also wanted to write more about my vacation but it's fucking difficult. I went to a student rally about an issue that affects me and my friends and my sister. I went down the coast and built sandcastles and swam in the ocean for the first time since i was about 12 and went clubbing and ate pancakes. I had an awesome relaxing time that i feel like i can't share online.

Breaking up with T is probably the most weird experience i've ever had to deal with (which is saying a lot coming from a trannie). I fucked up. I spent 6 months or a year or who knows how long coming to terms with the fact i wasn't going to be able to deal with a long-term relationship like we had. I spent all that time mourning inside, mourning and crying that it all seemed to be falling apart and there didn't seem to be anything i could do to make it better. But i fucked up because i wasn't honest with her, so when it all snapped overnight i'd been dealing with it for months and she was taken completely by surprise.

Now she's hurting, she's still hurting, and i'm moving on and it sucks that i can't do anything to make it better for her. It hurts me that i've lost my best friend, maybe forever. I feel like an ass for not saying something sooner, it probably wouldn't've changed anything for me but it would've been easier for her right now.

Ack. Yeah so can i say i'm smitten with someone else? *sigh*