December 19th, 2005

on the res

it's a dry heat...

Well the dry heat can bite me. I thought it was better than the humidity we're normally dealt here, but yanno... it's not. Yes with the humidity sweat drips off your brow into your eyes all day and you're all sticky and gross... but you can shower that off. With the dry heat my eyes sting and my nose and throat get scratchy and i can't do anything and it's not cool. Guess i better get used to it but, moving to Melbourne.

It's all happening early February, just after my birthday. I need to sell my car and sell my bed and the rest of my stuff i will either move down or give/sell to mates/charity. I don't have much. I'm a bit anxious because next weekend is Christmas, then New Year's, then hen's night, then the wedding. That's four weekends written off as far as organizing stuff goes, which really sucks. Selling my car is the main thing that would put me at ease - i'm extremely worried right now that i won't find a buyer in time and will have to give it to a wrecker for peanuts.

I'm very unsure of whether i want to stay in IT. I'm extremely tired of it. I hate staying in an office all day where it's cold and dry, and in Melbourne where it'll be the same weather outside too i worry i'll end up sick all the time with sore eyes and a crackly throat. I hate 9-5 rush hour. I hate dressing up all fancy (not a problem in my current job, but would at least be necessary for interviews in a new position). I hate sitting in an office with no background music or any background noise at all. I hate not having much social interaction with my colleagues, especially now that the colleague i was most friendly with has moved on. I hate working in general to be honest, but you know. It's necessary.

My debt is now at $5600. If i sell my car for a grand and one of my synths for a grand it will be at $3600. Coupled with some more chunky transfers between now and February that will leave me with under 3 grand debt on just one card. I hope to fucking God i can sell those things, because without it i'm too far in debt to spend a few weeks considering my options - i'll just have to get another IT job and be done with it. It's awfully tempting to just stick with IT because i know in Melbs i'd be paid a fair chunk more - 5 years and a degree is senior software engineer level. But then i think to myself... people make these excuses all the time... gotta stay in my shit job because of my car loan, because of my mortgage, because of the kids, and then they have a mid-life crisis and hang themselves at 45. I don't want to be that person.

Then again, i don't know if i really have the balls to become that apprentice chef earning $8 an hour, which is only fractionally above social security payments. That would mean no going out, and when you move to the self-proclaimed clubbing capital of Australia that would be a tragedy of epic proportions. Half the reason i like Melbourne is because there's more good shit on down there. I mean on $8 an hour i'd have to work weekends anyway to afford anything besides ramen for dinner.

But i don't want to sell out and keep on doing something that's been shitting me for five years. Especially not when the only reason i kept doing it was to get to America and that's not happening any more. I just don't know what else i'd like to do that would get me money right now. Maybe i do just need to eat humble pie and be poor for a few years.
on the res

you fucking assfuck

So finally, finally after years and years of never burning a CD on my own computer... i burned a CD. I had to upgrade CD drive firmware, download a different burning proggy, loads of stupid shit... two weeks ago i burned my first CD. I was so proud. Today i put a CD in to listen to some music and my CD drive no longer works. It's not spinning up. It's not detecting any disks. FUCKING HELL. The last thing i need right now is to have to spend money on a new bloody CD drive. I wanted to back up all my stuff before i went to Melbourne in case the harddisk packed it in during the journey and now... now goddamn it i can't do anything. Jesus.