May 17th, 2009

on the res

(no subject)

Some nights i dream about doing drugs and it fucks with my head because when i wake up from the dream the next morning it feels like i'm high. This morning i did and my mind was all over and i went back to read through a bunch of old emails and fucking... You just don't realize at the time how fucked up that shit makes you. Even just drinking. Like completely oblivious. I always looked at other people writing about their shit and thought well clearly they don't have their shit together the way i do, but with time you have that perspective and for fuck i have been a complete douche. I always knew i'd been a douche, but never really clicked that had anything to do with it. More than ever right now i want to keep to that no-drinking promise i made to myself last year. I am so over that stupid shit. I also decided i shouldn't be reading old emails right now because there's too much sadness too.
on the res

(no subject)

Now i've been reading back through old journal entries on my friends list. Man, people wrote and commented a lot more back then. Real comments too, not just one-liners. There's so much shit gone on in everyone's lives. It's amazing how much you know without actually being there.

It's been really healthy, having this weekend alone is helping me sort shit out up there. I shot some hoops this morning. It was good. I've never seen so many houses with hoops out the front - it's a wonder the NBA isn't full of white Jewish guys.

The other day i looked up this guy i knew back in 1997, he's working at an insurance company in Chicago now. He wanted to be a writer. I've got this opportunity right now while i'm not able to work legally, i can do anything i want as long as i'm not charging for it. I need to grab hold. I know in a year's time i'll probably be working in an office again, doing the "career" thing, but right now i don't have to. So i will keep writing.