September 19th, 2010

on the res

having fun

So i've decided to give the drumming a break this fall. I was talking with a friend of mine in class and i think we're both going to wait till the new year to go back. She said "i don't need another serious thing in my life right now" and i feel the same way. For me at the moment it's hard enough getting out of bed and doing work each day. Before the summer break my teacher S told us we really need to be practicing an hour a day to get up to the next level where we can play and have fun again, get beyond the basic hits and bring in more complex improvisations. He's right, and i just haven't had the time to do it. It makes me sad to think this one remaining shred of making music that i brought back into my life will be on hiatus, but i have to think about my sanity. I can't have too much going on or i'll just feel shitty all the time that i can't keep up.

I already decided to let my Spanish go for a while. The fall term started last Monday. Partly it's the money, of course, but i realized last term i just wasn't having fun any more. It was work, you know? I still got a decent grade, but it was hard work and i have enough of that going on at the moment.

Boxing is the only thing i have left now. That's work too, but it's something i want to maintain because staying active is important for my mental health as well as my physical health. I never want to go to the gym but once i get there and work out i feel good by the end of it. I'm coaching too, which is a really positive experience. Of course today i called in sick because this shoulder/back/neck pain is still killing me. I don't know what caused it or why it keeps getting worse when all i've done this week is rest, but i can't risk going in and doing something that'll really screw me up.

It's in the family, i guess. My dad has had a bad back since his 20s; he had surgery when i was still a kid. My mom gets weird back pain when she's stressed. This pain is the worst i've had since that period in 2008 when i had to give up basketball for a while. At times i can barely breathe because it hurts my shoulder and ribs too much. Hopefully this won't last as long so i can at least box. Especially now it's the last thing i have left.

Last night i went and did something that was purely for fun. One of J's friends had a birthday and they had tickets to a comedy show downtown so J and i had dinner then met up with the gang for the show. I actually managed to be somewhat sociable, which made J happy. And the comedians weren't too bad either. It was good to just sit back and enjoy something that i didn't need to work at. My therapist has been suggesting it for a while now, to just find things that are fun for their own sake. Hate it when she's right heh heh.

Today instead of working, instead of coaching, instead of beating myself up over procrastination, i am going to sit at home and maybe watch a movie. Make some popcorn. Try take it easy. Tomorrow it's back to work, though i also have a dinner date with a friend. Get the week off to a pleasant start. I think having less going on in my life will be a good thing, for a while anyway.