December 14th, 2010

on the res

hey mr taxman

A few weeks ago i had an entry building about this rut i've fallen into where all i do is wake up, do chores, work, cook, go to sleep. It's the pattern of my life and it doesn't seem to be heading anywhere. It's the grind, but not the grind i used to have in Australia that almost netted me six figures and let me play as hard as i worked. It's a subsistence grind, which is calming and stabilizing in some ways but slightly depressing in others. I never got around to writing that entry.

The last month or so i've had a creeping anxiety about filing my taxes in Canada. At the beginning of the year when i started working as an independent contractor i looked up all the information i could and it didn't seem like i needed to file any special paperwork, so i just wrote up contracts and invoiced clients under my own name. About a month ago i decided to talk to J's dad about it as an attempt at family bonding. He thought that because i hadn't explicitly registered as a business i wouldn't be able to claim expenses and that i'd have to declare all my income in the "Other" box with some kind of qualifier note. I don't mind not claiming expenses - i have this weird aversion to claiming deductions because it feels like i'm cheating the government out of money they need to provide essential services - but i do mind risking an audit because i didn't do the paperwork right.

Anyway, so i've been meaning to call the tax office and get this all cleared up, but i was stuck in the grind, and then M passed away and my whole mood went to hell. Finally today i realized not making this call is making me even more anxious and stressed out, which is exactly what i'm trying to avoid given i'm going on fucking vacation next week. I made the call and it totally put my mind at ease. I can file the work i did on my work permit and the work i did as a permanent resident on the same form. I don't need to register as a business because i'm invoicing under my own name and i've earned (much) less than $30,000 this year. I don't need to do anything special to prove i started a business. In fact, i don't need to do anything besides declare my income and expenses. Thank fucking Christ.

Today is still a wash because even though i set my alarm at 8am i only pulled myself out of bed at 11 and it's noon now. I have to see my psychiatrist this afternoon so that's right smack in the middle of the time i would usually be working. It's frustrating because work is one thing that is keeping me distracted and more or less stable, but i'm also finding it very difficult to get out of bed and get started on it. I just want to dream away and not wake up, ever. I think i really need this vacation. But i also really need to work to make up enough hours that the vacation won't put me in the hole next month. Blah.

Still, i think i'm doing kind of okay.
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