Been on a healthy tip this week. For the first time in about a year i've taken my meds for 7 days straight. And i haven't drank to excess. Not sure how long it'll last but i like knowing i can still live this way if i need to. Tonight i'm going out to a gig, primarily to meet up with a guy from Berlin who i've been chatting to the last week or so. It's nice to talk to some people outside of the usual Toronto crew, and probably good to start getting to know people up there if and when i visit next year.
Tomorrow is probably the last doof of the season. I got a Zipcar for 24 hours since renting would've been almost as expensive with insurance and gas included, especially over the whole weekend because you can't return it Sunday. I won't enjoy rushing home, though admittedly i'll probably be done for by the afternoon. Tentatively giving a lift to some carless trancers, which will be another good way to meet people. The psytrance crowd tend to travel a lot, and i want to start meeting people who can give pointers.
Yesterday J and i drafted the separation agreement. She wanted more money than we had originally discussed and because i'm a pushover that way (and don't want things to get ugly) i okayed about 7 grand. It makes me sick to the stomach because that's a big chunk of all the money i've put away for a rainy day, so my safety net will be almost totally gone. I was really broken up about it last night, especially when i didn't have anyone to text or talk to about it. Today is the same. I don't know what's up with my friends right now, but they're distant. It left me in tears last night and this morning, but i pulled it together and resolved to keep building my life for me. I'm the only one i can depend on, and fuck everyone who isn't on my side. I want to be happy and do the things i love, and if i have to do it alone then so be it. Done caring.