May 18th, 2011

under the bridge

rambling update

I've been struggling with my "vanilla" work lately. When the bigger bugs come rolling in i turn on that mission critical mode and fix them up quickly, but some of the feature work on the product is very tedious and fiddly, which makes it hard to drum up motivation to do it. I find myself spending several hours on something and not really producing. That makes me feel like a bit of a fraud because i'm charging the same for the time even though it's not me working at my highest level. I guess that's just something i gotta roll with - if this were a salaried position i might spend days or weeks struggling with a feature and not feeling very productive but getting paid just the same. It's just blar.

In other news, yesterday i met up with a guy i struck up an email conversation with after the sci-fi convention a few weeks back. It was really nice to get out of the house and socialize, especially with someone creative (he's a writer). I feel a bit lame journaling about it like going out for coffee is such a big deal, but i guess i need to accept the reality that i am seriously isolated at the moment, so every little thing matters. Since losing M and the two other people here who just dropped off the radar the only people i chat with in real life are J and my boss. All i can do is be open to the world and hopefully block by block i'll be able to rebuild something resembling a normal life.

The last few books i've been reading i've broken from my usual theme of hard-ish cyberpunk-y sci-fi. I felt like i needed to exercise my imagination in other ways. I read a science fantasy, then a memoir, then a Philip K Dick, and i just started a novel by a more mainstream noir author. Amazon keeps recommending me urban fantasy stuff but i'm worried it's going to be really cheesy genre fare. That said, the nice thing about Kindle books is i never buy anything over $10 so even if it's not a masterpiece i don't feel like i wasted too much money on it. Maybe i'll take the plunge. I'm just not used to reading novels that reference a lot of present-day pop culture - i feel like it's already anachronistic by the time it's published. Somehow that doesn't bother me so much in comics or TV. Maybe this current noir will cure me of that. I want to be able to read a bit of everything. There are so many wonderful stories out there.
  • Current Mood
    okay okay