November 9th, 2019

mom walk

The Firday Five for 8 November 2019: Durnk

1. What could you do for an hour or so today that you would really enjoy doing?

Drink. Definitely drink more beers.

2. What could you do for an hour today that might improve your life in the future?

Not drink.

3. What could you do for an hour today that could strengthen or improve a skill you would like to be able to rely on?

I could sign up for HSK4 (Chinese certification), but i won't because see above.

4. What could you do for an hour today that would make your living space more pleasant to live in?

I already did! A couple hours ago i knocked over the folding table that one of our concierges "kindly" donated to me when they saw that i had literally no furniture in my house other than the bed that came with the house. The folding table had been annoying me in my sober state, but i suppose if you're drunk and knock shit over then why not fold it up and go to the top floor to dump it.

Y'all. Did you know that the 12th floor elevator stop literally opens out to a fucking rooftop? I did not know this. I took the folding table up to the open air rooftop. One side i could see the village. Other side i could see the university. Mountains around. We're in a bit of a bubble here, isolated from the rest of the city. This is the bestest part of Shenzhen. I came to that conclusion after i decided not to throw myself off the roof.

Anyway, i realized i was on the wrong level so i went down to 11, which is where all the abandoned furniture goes, but it was pitch black so i could not see if i should adopt another furniture to replace the folding table i dropped off. I dunno, whatever. I'm fine with leaving all my shit on the floor in my apartment. I guess just other people think that's weird.

5. What could you do for an hour today that would improve your relationships with loved ones?

I don't have any loved ones, and that's the goddamn greatest. Life is miserable when you owe people.
mom walk

drunk posting about music and youth

Something i am a bit jealous of Gen-Zers is that i think they will have a lifetime log of their likes and dislikes.

Perhaps i am thinking too much on "old people shit" because i am about to turn 40, but lately i have been looking back in ways that aren't rose-tinted or regretful or whatever shitty way i looked back when i was younger.

My latest thing is music.

Everyone knows the myth that people get old and their music taste gets stuck in their teens or their early 20s.

That's bullshit.

That's also true.

It's bullshit in the sense that although some people get stuck forever in the music of their youth, my feeling is that most people are fairly open-minded and continue to learn about and listen to new music their whole lives.

However. I do believe that nothing will ever affect you like it did in your teens and early 20s. Or, fuck, early 30s. Whatever.

The point is that music is like a tattoo. You get it at a certain point in your life, and then every subsequent point in your life you look at (or hear) it, you're reminded of the original moment that you got it.

Case in point.

I will never love like i did with T. She was The One. She continued to be The One through subsequent relationships and even a marriage to someone else, but fuck, whatever. Point is, i listen to certain songs by certain artists and i am right fucking back there. Instantly. It triggers exactly that emotion when i thought she was all that'd ever make my life work out.

Other songs, by other artists, they're tied to other people.

Some stuff is tied to noone in particular, just my own history. These days i tend to listen mostly to that stuff. It's less emotionally complicated.

Which isn't to say i don't burst into tears at the beauty of some songs anyways.

(Dear readers who do not listen to techno music. When ravers say "songs" it just means a track, a tune. For me personally, the best songs include zero singing. Language confuses things. Synthesizers express pure human emotion. Etc.)

Anyway. Fucking tangent.

My point was that music is time travel. But it's subjective. If i want to look back at the songs that i loved the most when i was 35, or 30, or 25, or 20, i can't. What i think i liked back then is perhaps not what i actually liked back then. I can try to collate qualitative information from LJ or old emails, but it's not really objective metrics about how much i actually played the fucking song.

For techno subgenres i have a pretty clear progression of faves. I know it becuase i bought it. There were periods where i didn't buy much (or any) music, but just seeing what i did buy from age 15 up until i stopped buying music a few years ago exposes some common threads. The most important thread is acid music and the TB-303 synthesizer.

But for pop? Pop is the stuff that even if you hate because it's "too commercial" you still end up hearing it in the shops or at friends' houses or whatever.

And, as you get older, pop is the only music you will ever hear that reminds you of your youth. Even at "retro" rave parties, they don't play the weird quirky stuff of the era, they only play the hits.

The older you get, the more everything turns to pop.

Young people, please do not believe that everyone over 30 doesn't get underground music. We fucking do. We just saw our own underground music disappear in a puff of dollars. Now the only thing that remains from our youth culture is the garbage fire commercial takes that we hated back then just as much as you do now. But that's all we got.

What i wonder is if the young people of today will have a better insight into their youth because of big data? Will a kid from today be able to go back and check their top Spotify tunes of 2019 and get a better insight into their youth than i can get into my teenage years?

Eh. Probably not. I dunno if it really matters what the data says happened. It matters how you felt it.