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awkwardity
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I've now reached that extremely awkward moment in the job application process where i have overlapping applications, interviews and offers. It's very hard to sound enthusiastic on an application when you have an interview pending or just interviewed with a company that you like, but you can't put all your eggs in one basket either. It's also very hard to turn down a job offer solely on the basis of the potential of a better offer or a pending interview that might not suck. And it's awkward turning something down or canceling an interview if you accept another offer. Fuck.

Last week's interview at the online retailer felt really good and i liked the impression i got. It was particularly promising that they massaged the role to better fit my skills. But i haven't heard back from them yet. The offer i got from the other e-commerce site on Friday i turned down yesterday, on the basis that i was looking for a team with a bit more defined process. The money wasn't great either (though i am going to have to accept that my salary is going to drop 30% or more simply by virtue of Berlin paying much less than Toronto). Today i phone-interviewed with the open source consulting firm that cold-contacted me last week, and i will be having a lunch interview with them on Friday. The technology at the gig is not exactly what i would like to be doing, but it is very similar to what i was working with in my previous job. Difference is the company has bigtime cred in the enterprise world and some very smart developers, so it might suck less even if it's still "box software" (vs B2C web or B2B cloud stuff). Meanwhile, the guy i phone interviewed with a couple weeks ago is still on the radar for an in-person interview/trial contract, i'm just waiting for his baby to be born so we can continue on that.

This has left me feeling extremely awkward. I don't want to turn down an "okay" offer on the hope that something better comes along. But i don't want to lead employers on if i'm not really interested either. And i don't want to apply for new jobs, only to have to turn down an interview because i took something else. This is leaving me feeling really stressed. This is exactly how i end up taking shitty jobs, just to end the anxiety and avoid authoring all those uncomfortable "i regret to inform you" emails.

I know at the end of the day a job is a job. And unless there was one totally kick-ass dream company that i wanted to work for, they're all going to suck equally much when it comes to turning up with a hangover on Monday morning. So i should just take whatever, as long as the team seems like a good fit and the package is alright. Who cares about whether it's a good career move, or whether it's working on some cool technology, or..? I'm still gonna be tied to a desk banging out code 5 days a week. And really all i'm doing it for is the cash. I guess... I just don't want to end up in a company like my last one that sucks absolutely everything out of me. I dunno man. I also hate hate hate saying "oh i really want to work here" and then awkwardly back-pedaling at the last minute. Or second-to-last minute. Or whatever. FUCK. Talk about middle class problems.
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The technology at the gig is not exactly what i would like to be doing, but it is very similar to what i was working with in my previous job. Difference is the company has bigtime cred in the enterprise world and some very smart developers, so it might suck less

Sounds like the most positive thing you've said about any of the jos so far.

Well objectively yeah it's a great opportunity. But honestly i'm not that interested in enterprise software or the "serious" open source community (IBM, Red Hat etc). What appeals much more to me is the younger web and cloud companies that aren't afraid to break from enterprise standards if that makes for a better user experience (Twitter, Google etc). Fortunately that's the sort of company i got the verbal offer from, or i hope at least.

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