amw (amw) wrote,

shit just got real

Over the weekend, in a fit of annoyance at Canadian immigration and frustration over trying to find an apartment, i booked a mini 2-night holiday in Holland for Koningsdag. I will be going to one of the annual free raves of the Zodiak Commune, who are the promoters of the very first rave i went to back in 1996. Of course, Tuesday morning i found out that i needed to be in Canada the very next Tuesday for my immigration ceremony. Mother FUCK. Talk about the worst possible timing ever. Again. So now i have one more day of work, then Good Friday in Berlin, then Saturday i fly to Toronto, then Wednesday i leave to arrive back in Berlin next Thursday. The next day i fly out to Holland, and only get back to Berlin on Sunday the 27th. My rent expires on the 30th. So i have tomorrow, next Thursday and then the last two days of the month to find a new apartment. What a fucking chaos!

Tonight i saw an apartment just a few doors down the road from my current apartment - and it was great - but of course i now will not be in the country for a week, and i don't have all the paperwork i need yet (in particular my credit report), so i have to really hope like hell that somehow against all odds i will win the place. Otherwise i am going to be living in a hotel. Which i guess i can manage for a little while, except for the problem of where the fuck does my mail go? In particular, where the fuck does my German driver's license go? Arrrrrgh. Send me good apartment vibes. I need some magic to happen quicksmart.

Of course, i should be jumping up and down about the citizenship thing, but honestly it has been so time-consuming and costly that it's hard to get excited. On top of that, i still feel a bit uncomfortable about doing something so opportunistic. It's not that i don't care about Canada, but i really resent having to go through a whole song and dance to become a citizen of a country just so that i can come back and work there at some indeterminate point in the future. It infuriates me that i can't freely decide to go to whatever goddamn country i choose to and work there as a productive member of society. So now, purely as insurance against retarded immigration law, i have to become a citizen and pledge my allegiance to a place i may not ever go back to. I feel kind of dirty doing it, so i will just be happy to get it out of the way.

Perhaps instead i should be freaking the fuck out because i have such a ridiculous schedule and absolutely no idea where i will be living two weeks from today. But i don't have the energy to freak out. I have two mini vacations coming up. I'll worry about the rest of the shit when i need to cross that bridge.

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