amw (amw) wrote,

plodding on

So my attempt at reasonable sobriety has not really succeeded any better than it ever did, but i can say that in the last 2 weeks i have woken up at least half the days without a hangover, and that felt pretty good. I have gotten a few things crossed off my list that always felt like too much effort. Although i am still completely exhausted every evening after work, when i don't drink myself to sleep - aside from a few insomniac evenings - i generally feel good enough in the mornings to do some chores before work. I have a slightly-better tablet coming in the mail so i can perhaps start making music again, and - more importantly - a decent set of speakers is also on the way. Of course, now i need a desk and chair to put them on, but it's a start to making my home a place where i don't just sit on my one chair next to the kitchen window drinking and chainsmoking. Who knows, maybe i'll even finally reply to those emails and LJ comments that are several months overdue.

Last Sunday night was the World Cup Final, and the whole company was given permission to show up to work late. Of course, after brunch and a wander round Sudkiez with I, i decided to make the most of the opportunity by going to Kater. Again. Schiffbruch was on at the Bucht, but it's hard for me to go anywhere else when i know the Kater will be playing great music from Saturday night through Monday morning. I bumped into T there, who i haven't seen since the old Kater. Lots more familiar faces, lots of beer and tequila and champagne and dancing by the river in the rain. I had no idea who won until i left the club around 1am and realized there were no taxis or trains, but one hell of a lot of happily drunk Germans. It took me almost an hour to walk home. So, you know, Monday i had a hangover and muscle pain. But so did everyone else (the hangover at least). It was kind of eerie to see my entire office of several hundred people shuffling around and having the same kind of difficulty getting a sensible thought out that i do so often after a big night.

Wednesday was a write-off too, with every monitor in the place tuned into the live arrival of the local heroes back at Tegel. For a moment i felt bad that i missed the whole thing, but then i remembered how wonderful it was to be dancing on the deck at Kater in the middle of a thunderstorm and, well, i didn't any more. God, i wish i had Mondays off every week and could enjoy the tunes and the vibe without that nagging work gefühl.

Today i was at work till after 9pm, partially dealing with a live bug, partially chatting with the hardcore QA crew who shut the place down each night. Last night i opened my laptop at a local restaurant and coded through most of the night on work shit. So, yeah, they get their money's worth even if i'm not on my game Mondays.

I am feeling good about the slightly-more-sobriety, though. It may only last two days at a time, but it makes me realize i can actually get some of that shit done that feels like i never have time for. And, fuck it, i am here to stay - for now at least - so fuck, i am going to need some "stuff" if i don't want to spend every second evening at the kneipe because at least there they have music and somewhere to sit.

Life goes on. Glad it's Friday tomorrow. I'm exhausted. My endocrinologist got back to me saying not to start my hormone prescription until i visit a haemotologist because it seems my blood is overly coagulated. And that's after 9+ months without hormones. Fuck. More chores. More adventures in the German health system. It's very good and very cheap (well, with insurance), but they certainly seem to all want to do their homework. I got prescribed hormone gel for the first time in my life because oral hormones are considered too dangerous for general use here. I must admit i snuck a couple of days in while i was waiting for my blood test results. Felt very weird. But it feels worse to know they think i might be dying of blood clots or some fucking shit regardless, so i guess my medication-free lifestyle will continue for a while. At least if i'm on death's door i still got to dance with all those friends i've never met at the Kater one last time.

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