I forced myself to go past the grocery store on the way home so that i would have some food today. It was a really rough grocery store visit, but i'm glad i did it because in a few minutes i will put some brötchen in the oven and feast. It was not as rough as falling asleep. I remember lying here wondering how lying down could possibly be so painful and if perhaps i was doing it wrong. That fabulous Berlin feeling of braving an epic hangover while remaining awake, drunk and high on techno and sunshine. Yeah i forgot about that feeling. Kinda sucks. Kinda also reminds you you are alive.
Anyway, i wanted to write for a reason, i was just setting the stage. At a certain point yesterday i heard a really great song that was so amazing i thought to myself... i must have this. So i peered over the DJ booth and looked at the name and then pulled out my phone to type it in. Of course i was rather drunk so i looked at the home screen a bit befuddled trying to find the notepad application. And then S came up to me going WTF, just put it away. And at first i was like... it's not like i was texting a friend, or taking a photo, or doing whatever other douchey thing people do with their phones in nightclubs... I just wanted to write down a song to buy later. I mean, supporting the industry and all that. But then it occurred to me. So what if i did get that track? Let's imagine i wrote it down in my phone and then i went home and then i went on Beatport and found the track and i bought it. Musician earns about 3 cents. And then what? I don't listen to music very much at home. I don't listen to music on my phone. On the odd occasion i decide to do an ad hoc DJ set to annoy my neighbors, it would be 1 more track to add to the thousands i already own. I'm not a working DJ. I do not need a folder packed with new tunes every week. And if i just want to hear great music, why not go out to a club and hear it on a great sound system in the middle of a great set where the DJ is actually earning his living? It struck me. Writing down songs in a nightclub is just as douchey as everything else people do on their phones in a nightclub. Granted, i am one of those douchey people who does drunk Facebook updates from a nightclub (in fact, that is pretty much the only time i ever go on Facebook), but that i do when i am curled up in a couch somewhere, not in the middle of the dancefloor. Writing down songs you do, as a matter of course, on the dancefloor. And that means you are not enjoying that exact moment as much as you could be, dancing and smiling. So, i have decided to stop doing it.
And what does that mean? Perhaps it means i should stop buying music too. When i lived in Toronto i went on Beatport at least once a month to buy tunes. Since i moved to Berlin over a year ago, i have gone music shopping maybe 3 times. Every month there are thousands of new releases, and even after extreme editing i still find 20-30 tracks that are truly great. Then i buy them and don't listen to them. Or i make a playlist of all of them and listen to 3 tracks in the space of time it takes me to get from my house to the coffee shop on the way to work, where i stop listening because i don't want to be a jackass ordering coffee with my headphones on. It was different in Toronto, because in Toronto if you like music like i like, you will not hear it at a club ever. Perhaps if you are lucky once a month one DJ might play something a little bit in the direction you like, but it will only be for a brief moment, because DJ sets are only 1.5 hours long, and the whole night is only 6 hours long, and there are only 200 people at the party, and if 150 of them don't hear their favorite songs they will stop supporting the gig. Here i can pass through at least 10 different bars and clubs playing music that is pretty much what i like before even getting to the club i really like, and the club is open 3 days straight, and people drop in and out when they like and don't leave just because the DJ decided to play something that wasn't on the Resident Advisor Techno For Hipsters Top 10. This music is pretty much the most important thing in my life, and for years i have defined myself by being "one of the guys who still pays money for music", but i am realizing the main reason i do it is more to say that i am one of those guys than because i actually get anything out of it. The DJ gets more money if i show up to his gig. The DJ has a gig in the first place because i support the club. All the musicians i love know that i love them because i can go right up to them and say "wow i really love your music" and then buy them a schnaps and keep dancing. They don't need a 3 cent sales bump to know that. So, i have decided to stop feeling bad that i am not on Beatport every month any more.
Meanwhile, i am clearly trapped here. I just quit my job, which means in theory i could go traveling for a while, or even move somewhere else. But i can't even imagine it. I mean, traveling, yeah that would be neat. If i don't find work directly after my current job ends, i will spend some time on the road for sure. But pretty much anywhere else i go, the one thing i would be missing is exactly what makes here special. The things that make this place "home" for me are the music i can listen to and the people i can party with, and as shallow as it sounds, these are the things that are the most important. Heh. As usual, after a month or two of no dancing, i go back and realize how desperately important it was. I'm not stressed about work any more. Things are right with the world again. My sense of perspective has been restored. Yay.