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it's not a habit, it's cool, i feel alive
Being a drunk is sad. Being a sort-of-drunk, as i am, is complicated. Drunks need to drink all the time, every day. Whatever it is that i am, needs to drink a lot of the time. Not necessarily every day, but quite a lot. There are many days i come home from work and i take off my shoes and my bra and the very next thing i do is get a drink. Several days in the week i skip dinner altogether because i know i am getting more than enough calories from the booze.

Friday is always a write-off. Occasionally i will go out on Friday night, but in honesty usually by midnight when the clubs open i am such a wreck all i can do is pass out. That's fine, it's Friday. Everyone gets hammered on Friday. But my favorite night (well, day) of the week to go out is Sunday. I am recovered from my Friday hangover, and the music is great, and the people are great, and i will forever thank the gods that i get to live in a city where Sunday afternoon clubbing is a thing.

Unfortunately, i am easily dissuaded. This weekend, for example, i forwent my semi-regular Sunday afternoon clubbing to download Visual Studio 2015. Am i a Windows programmer? No. Do i give a shit about Visual Studio? No. I was just on some kind of Wikipedia/blog tangent that we all get on, and it was raining, so i decided not to go dancing. And, instead, it is now Monday night and i am hammered. This is my backup night. Literally every time i do not go out on Sunday and spend Monday hungover and miserable, i drink on Monday and spend Tuesday wishing i did. In Berlin people expect you to be miserable on Monday, so on Tuesday we all have our weekly meetings. Blar.

But, this is what i do. Stumble from hangover to hangover, leaving a day in between to recover. I take small comfort in the fact that at least i am not doing wake-up lines, carrying around a pill box or chugging the dregs of a warm beer before my morning shower. I have replaced both prescription and illegal drugs with the cheap, predictable tragedy of almost-alcoholism. It works for me. I am definitely a space cadet sometimes, but i get my shit done, i have tons of savings, i don't call in "sick" and i don't have convicted felons dropping by my house every few days. I guess most people wouldn't call that a win. I do.