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cabin in the woods
God, Yosemite is a fucking prison. I didn't like it the last time i came, and i like it even less this time since we are trapped here for two nights. The trees are everywhere and it is oppressive. At least in Lake Tahoe there was, well, a lake. And, despite all the gated communities and sickeningly expensive chalets festooned with no trespassing signs, there were bars and stores and all the things you need to be able to be free. We arrived here last night at 6:39pm and the only grocery store for miles around had closed at 6:30pm. No restaurants. Nothing. You literally cannot do anything without a car. You can't even go on a motherfucking hike without taking a car to the place where the hike starts. And then you are stuck in a forest with slabs of granite and trees full of psycho killers and rednecks and plague-ridden squirrels and all the other awful things that hide in the woods.

My anxiety about trees has come back thousandfold since we hit Stanislaus state forest. But i think it's not the trees per se so much as being trapped without my own mode of transport out of the trees. In Germany a couple years ago i walked into a dark forest on my own at sunset, and it was okay because i knew worst case scenario i could head to the river and walk along it till eventually hitting a village. I went camping in Canada once, and even though we were hundreds of miles from civilization surrounded by racoons and coyotes, i was still okay because i got incredibly high, and oh well anyways because i had a driver's license and the car was parked right there. I very much hate depending on all these other drivers to take me everywhere, and to be beholden to their schedules and wishes. Our car is probably the most easy-going of the three, but it's still always a consensus to go anywhere.

That said, it has been alright so far. In Tahoe i walked about 10 miles along the highway, stopping at various bars along the way to chat to locals and commuters from Reno. Now i am left completely alone in a cabin in the woods, which could be the start of a horror movie, except you know. At least there is wi-fi and cable. That's pretty much it, though. There is no cell reception, or any fucking stores. We don't have much beer either, so later today i am going to walk back to the store we passed last night. Which only opens at noon, of course. At least i have a chance to upload some pictures and write a journal entry.

I can't fucking wait till we get back to the desert. We briefly drove through it in Nevada before going on our massive detour over Sonora Pass because roadtripping Europeans can't bear the idea of driving along the same stretch of road twice. The neat thing was we very briefly drove past Sonora and Jamestown, and along a stretch of highway i know very well from when i lived with T and we went up to visit E in Calaveras county on a regular basis. I did not expect to see that on this trip, and even though the guys zoomed past because apparently dried out grasslands are boring to them, it was full of feels and memories for me. Dried out grasslands and deserts are my favorite. That's the true beauty of California (and America in general) to me - where the sun is hot and the cacti go to die and the highway goes on forever and you feel as free as the circling eagles.

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I love and miss those dried out grasslands. Gold country is fricken amazing.

I don't love the forest as much as I used to. That was one of the considerations when picking a place to move to. I didn't want to live in the Santa Cruz mountains because all of that dense forest and I could imagine 50 thousand things going wrong living there. The place we are going to reminds me more of Copper and farmlands but then we'll be pretty close to the ocean too. Blabbing sorry.

Yep, i can understand that. I mean, if i step outside of my neurosis for a second, holy crap forests are awesome. They are full of life and a monument to the majesty of nature and bla bla. But even though they aren't close to as inhospitable as dry grasslands or desert, there is a sense of isolation, like if something bad really went down, how do you get out? How does someone get to you? Fortunately the world is big enough everyone has the chance to find the place that's right for them, at whatever time in their lives it is right :)

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