amw (amw) wrote,

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back to our regularly scheduled programming

So, that was a rough week. Finally on Saturday morning i woke up at a respectable hour, i had a shower, i shaved my legs for the first time in weeks, i cleaned my house (somewhat) and i unpacked my backpack which had been lying on the floor for 10 days... This week, so far, i have been back at work kicking ass. My boss was fairly understanding, i guess. I haven't seen him because he flew out to Paris Monday morning, and i think my "illness" raised a couple of eyebrows because i refused to fake like i had the flu and just told the guys, look, i was sleeping 18 hours a day, just fucking wiped. But whatever. There are some things that just totally exhaust me, and having to run on a shared schedule 24/7 is one of them. I'm working better now because i had the break.

Also Saturday i went to the mall to pick up a new router, which i had ordered online the day before. For nerdly reasons. I wanted to have a router with 5GHz wireless so that i could actually use my goddamn wifi without having it constantly nerfed by the 25+ other 2.4GHz networks in my apartment block. It is pretty amazing how much of a difference it makes for streaming video games, which is pretty much the only heavyweight thing i do on my computer.

Anyway, point wasn't the nerdly stuff. Point was the mall. Holy crap i hate malls. Strip malls i get. Strip malls are grand epic monuments to American exceptionalism. You want to visit two stores? Park in front of one. Buy your stuff. Then drive for 30 seconds to go to the next one. What, you expect to walk? Good luck not getting run over by an SUV, and besides, there is no sidewalk anyway. Okay, i get it. But malls that are giant big buildings you get trapped inside where the only thing to do is buy stuff? Ugh. Sure, i've spent many years of my life living in countries where that was pretty much the only way to go shopping, but i thought i'd gotten free of that living in Berlin. I forget that most of this city is sprawling suburbs with giant shopping malls clustered around the transport hubs, pretty much the same as every other big city in the world. I just happen to live and work in parts of town where the shops are mostly mom'n'pop stores on the ground floors of apartment blocks, so it feels a bit more village-y.

I think i like villages. But i want my village in a city, so there is a critical mass of people to create ad-hoc villages of like-minded people. I think about clubbing sometimes, and why it is i tend to like going in the daytime, or at the very tail end of the weekend (actually Monday) when there are only fifty people left. Why do i like to visit pubs in the middle of the day, or sit in dive bars where only 3 people ever show up? Because i like people. I just don't really like crowds. The anonymity of crowds has a certain appeal, but i feel like there's no connection. Of course people who go to rock concerts and demonstrations and sports games and even raves find some kind of joy in being part of a mass event... They feel a connection there. But i feel more of a connection when i can laze around somewhere for an hour and see the same people again, even if i never speak to them. And, i guess, i also want that when i leave the place i won't bump into those people at work, or at the store, or wherever else. Because they're special for that one place, for that one little stretch of time. I dunno. It's odd.


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