amw (amw) wrote,

  • Mood:


It's been two weeks (well just under) since i decided i was sick of showing up to work hungover and miserable all the time. About a week and a half since i thought why not try to be a bit more vegan-ish in my diet. Let's take a look at the metrics.

I spent twice as much on food on my weekend shopping as i normally do. On the other hand, i have not ordered in once, and i have eaten far more varied meals - nuts and dried fruits, bean tacos, tofu dishes, bananas, apples, a portobello burger, peanut butter and avocado on rice cakes, bread rolls with pepitas, olive oil and balsamic... All kinds of yummy things, and i haven't really felt a craving for meat or cheese.

I've had one extremely drunken night, Sunday last weekend. I ended up puking in the toilet for the first time in a year or more, and for only the second time in my entire life i passed out and then puked while i was asleep too. What the almighty fuck. Does tolerance disappear that quickly? Is this really the first time since i was 15 years old that i drank so heavily, and i was so out of practice that i risked asphyxiating on my own vomit? That was the scariest thing that's happened to me in... almost ever.

I have gone to work mostly clear-headed and been much less cranky and probably a better team lead as a result. (Yes, it's official now.)

I have played a bunch of computer games to distract myself.

I watched three full-length movies that weren't Hackers or Chasing Amy for the first time in i don't even know how long.

I ordered contact lenses and got my hair done - things i have been putting off for weeks.

I am feeling a bit like i have lost the only thing that i identified myself as, which was a functioning alcoholic who resented my job but at least enjoying pissing away my evenings in freedom. Now i have evenings where i am trying to be good and wondering what the point of being good is when the only people who benefit are my colleagues in a job i don't resent but also don't feel excited about.

I have started smoking real cigarettes again. Heavily.

I am remembering my dreams again. And they are all almost exclusively about going to nightclubs or raves and taking drugs.

I am getting slimmer.

In general, i guess, this is a net change for the better. Objectively i am getting more shit done. I am treating the guys at work better. I am probably healthier, despite the extra smoking. I still don't really feel like i am going anywhere in my life, and the feeling of listlessness is exacerbated by not hiding it under the drink, but my hope is that if i sit around bored long enough i might be inspired to do something else with my free time.

Eh, who knows. We'll see how long this lasts.

  • in a minne funk

    Today i thought i was going to go out and explore the Twin Cities, but i slept poorly, and it was cold, and windy, and raining, and i just wasn't in…

  • i was doing so well

    It's been a few weeks since i drank more than one or two beers. Like, that's how i control it, i only buy one or two, and then i only drink one or…

  • thank god it's thursday

    This week i have juggled doctorin', cleanin', workin' and socializin', due to the house sale thingy. Today was the day that the estate agent did a…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.