amw (amw) wrote,

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just drag me along behind the wagon

This week was good and bad. The good? I walked to work from Monday through Thursday. That's close to an extra 10km or 6 miles a day. It turned out to be a good way to "de-stress" me after work, and i came in feeling a bit happier in the mornings too. The bad? Well, notice my week ended on Thursday? Yes, on my way home i wandered into a bar and proceeded to get incredibly drunk and not arrive home till 2am. Needless to say, Friday didn't happen.

I am having a really tough time quitting drinking. And the drinking is fucking me in the ass. I hadn't smoked a cigarette (electronic or otherwise) for two weeks until i got drunk Thursday night. Bought a whole pack and smoked most of it. I managed for the first three days of the week to only drink four pints a night, which is a significant improvement over how things were going at the beginning of last month, but it's still more than i would like. And the fuckup of Thursday night, i dunno, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if i could've just had a few pints and gone home happy at 10pm like a normal person.

It happens every work night. I can't just enjoy my evening, i can't relax, i can't fall asleep knowing that i have to go to work the next day. I drink so i don't have to think about it. I drink in the hope that somehow it'll make it easier for me to get through the next 20 years of misery until i'm free. I don't hate my job, but i resent it, so fucking much. I hate that i have to do it. I hate that i can't be free.

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