amw (amw) wrote,

easy like sunday morning

This week totally wiped me out. I had to interview two candidates. I had to present at the all-hands. I had to attend a very heavy meeting about how to manage two of our staff toward resigning (you can't really fire people in Germany). I had a networking/power lunch with a high-flying CEO of some Silicon Valley startup. All things I hate to do, and was pushed into by my boss. Yay for being a manager. Sadly these things aren't just things I hate to do that I can go through in autopilot. They are immensely draining and leave me a hollow shell. Thursday I almost fell asleep on one of the couches at work. Three days this week I didn't even make it to the liquor store, I literally got home, ate dinner and immediately passed out. I am done.

On the up side. Three days this week I didn't even make it to the liquor store. This is probably my most successful drying out since that first attempt back in April where I think I made it 6 days straight. The price for entry this time was exhaustion, but hey, I'll take the wins where I can get em.

I completely forgot to list my other big achievement last week, that I haven't smoked in over a month. So I can celebrate that, plus walking 10km a day, eating mostly vegan and drinking much less than I did let's say... one year ago at the same time. I need to write this stuff down so I stay motivated to maintain it. I do feel better. I do feel healthier. My evenings are far more dull, and the lurking sense of being trapped is a more constant presence in my mind, but I do feel lighter and less cranky and the mornings definitely feel less awful.

Television has been a bit of a comfort. A few weeks ago I marathoned the entirety of Justified. Games too. This weekend I played Firewatch, a sweet little drama set in Wyoming. And last weekend I played through Knee Deep, a sort of quirky noir set in north Florida. I guess I've been on a bit of a rural America kick lately. Trailer parks. Bluegrass. Sunsets. It's nice to be able to escape my world through the screen, even if it's just for a few hours. I can't wait for the next episode of Kentucky Route Zero. Sigh. Maybe I need to take a proper vacation again. I wish America wasn't so expensive to visit in real life.

Instead I have taken Monday off to make up for overtime, and I will go out dancing today to celebrate the 50th of a local DJ. Yes, techno is most assuredly music for old people now.

If I think away work I guess my life doesn't suck.

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