The moment i received my voting card and realized it was the "third" ballot, my heart dropped to the floor. I was choking back tears in the booth. I know it's ridiculous. I know i was going to vote for a party that only exists in my district and many may see as a joke party. But for the very first time in my life that i was ever allowed to vote, after walking into the polling station filled with excitement and pride, i realized i had misunderstood the forms and would never be able to vote for "my" party. I was crushed. I am still crushed.
But i still got a vote. For the "third" ballot, i received a card with all the major parties and minor parties i had already crossed off my list, plus two minor parties whose names i recognized but who i had not deeply researched - the Deutsche Kommunistische Partei (German Communist Party) and the ÖkoLinX-Antirassistische Liste (Eco-Left Anti-Racist List). Of those, i put my X in the circle for ÖkoLinX, mainly because they marched shoulder to shoulder with me in the anti-police demonstration of July 9th. I later looked them up. They win points for their logo being a cartoon explosion with earrings and a raised black fist. They also win points for being active at all the local anti-gentrificiation and anti-racism protests, and for sharing pictures of guys in ski-masks with road flares looking all indignant and rebellious. So, i guess they're alright, even if they are a lot more serious about their politics than the artsy and whimsical Bergpartei.
What does it matter anyway? Now i know my vote is stuck in the "third" ballot bucket, i know it's going to be averaged across the whole borough, so any votes i contribute to here in my anti-capitalist, gutter-punk, formerly-squatted neighborhood are going to be watered down by all the gentrifying millionaires across the rest of the borough who think shopping at a vegan supermarket and donating to an international charity means they are doing their bit for the environment and the poor. Instead of contributing to a 5-6% minority party in my hood, i will be contributing to a (probably) <1% minority party in my borough. Fuck elections. Fuck voting. It all sucks.
Well, i guess i will find out what happens while i am in Canada. I had to do early voting because the election day is September 18th. I am leaving on the 15th. Once i have recovered from the disappointment of my life's first ever vote, i will write about my holiday plans.